Blinking Implications

[jamesq]

I've had two Robax and a Barley Wine, so be warned that I'm pretty fucked up.

A trait of my life is that I don't make friends easily. When I do make them though, those friendships tend to be rock solid. The latter part of this trait is something I'm very grateful for.

My friends seem to have a blind spot about this. They tend to forget the fact that sometimes the friendship took a long time to occur. I'm hearing all the time what a great guy I am (and not being in the middle of a depressive episode right now, I'm inclined to believe them).

The end result of this is that I have lots of female friends who are firmly in the just friends category. There's nothing wrong with that, but it does make me wonder what the hell is going on.

I started reading Blink today, it might have an explanation. I suspect my mate-less-ness is a direct result of sending out some kind of subconscious signal that there is something wrong with me. This signal is probably picked up by potential mates near instantly. And there's nothing I can do about it - it's connected to me on a fundamental level - even if I knew what the signal was, I probably can't do anything about it.

RAting someone for potential romance is one of those things that seems to be determined by the subconscious in a short amount of time. Evaluating someone for friendship takes longer. Thus I have two sets of largely separate traits. Ones that say "don't even think about having sex with this person" and ones that say "this is a true and loyal friend". This probably indicates that I'm stuck with the problem. That being the case, I should learn to live with it.

Of course, I'm pretty drunk right now. Does that mean I'm being irrational or does it mean that I'm allowing my subconscious to make correct deductions? As an INTP it offends me that our sub-conscious is such a powerful decision-making tool. However the evidence suggests that it's possible. I want to use the full force of my intellect and think that everyone else should too. Sadly attraction is not something in the control of the rational mind. Stupid brain.

Comments

[minyata.livejournal.com]

I only somewhat agree with the assessment from Blink. I think that subconsciously people pick up on things like depression, low self confidence etc and it is fixable... or as fixable as depression and low self confidence are on their own.

Its why when people are in relationships they end up with more opportunities then they had when they were single. When they are in a relationship, finding romance doesn't matter andy more, you aren't looking for it, so it finds you....

Sadly I haven't figured out how knowing that can be worked in my favour though

[wendy-licious.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with this. Self-confident people are generally considered more attractive so it would make sense that low self-confidence is unattractive. So it is something that can change - not easily, but it can change.

[oblivions.livejournal.com]

You just need to tap that well of confidence that earned the Balls. :D

Ask Yourself Some Serious Questions

[http://users.livejournal.com/-grog-/]

Relationships are tricky things sometimes. For some, they seem to happen almost automatically, for others they take effort and time. You've always been in the latter category, as long as I can remember.

Really, you have to ask yourself what you want out of each relationship; and then more seriously, consider how you are - or are not - communicating that to the other person.

And lastly, ask yourself if you are ready to deal with the consequences if it doesn't work out? A friendship that falls apart is quite different from a romantic/intimate relationship falling apart, and the fallout can be quite dramatic for both parties and the broader common social group as well.

Perhaps, your own subconscious is telling you something about yourself?

... all interesting questions to explore, and if it is troubling you, I really would suggest discussing them with your therapist for a few sessions.

[jamesq]

In other news, I can solve all my problems by flipping the "be more confident" switch in my head.