Not a Mother of the Year or Mensa Candidate

[jamesq]

Browsing on Fark today I found this joyless little story:

A woman accused of not reporting her daughter missing for five weeks refused to answer a judge's question of where her daughter was in a bizarre missing person case that continues to frustrate investigators.

Now the obvious assumption is that this woman killed her kid, possibly directly, possibly through neglect (same thing happened a few years ago here in Cowtown).

I guess it's remotely possible that some weird-ass series of events conspired to take this woman's baby from her and she genuinely felt that contacting the authorities was a worst-case scenario. The sort of Hollywood-esque story that Jodie Foster would get cast in. It is for the authorities to sort out what the truth is. But the smart money is on her ditching her kid somewhere and simply hoping that nobody would notice.

Lets leave aside, for the moment, what would make a person abandon/neglect/kill their child. What makes you think that nobody would notice? The answer, I think, is that they don't consider the actions beyond the moment. They simply don't think that far ahead. These are not criminal masterminds.

If it were me - and if I were a psycho-rat-bastard - I sure as hell wouldn't stick around. I'd become estranged from my family and move far away to where nobody knew me. Original location: Woman had a kid and moved. New Location: Single woman shows up who never had a kid. If the kid is young enough you might be able to ignore the paper trail assuming nobody was looking for the child.

Of course, that level of forethought pretty much means I wouldn't find myself in that situation in the first place.

Best suggestion I heard in the Fark thread: We need to let people know that they have another option. Leave your kid at the hospital/police station/fire department. Make it somewhat anonymous (i.e. just enough questions so that the kids don't have unknown medical issues) so that it doesn't scare too many away. Especially if the mother isn't an adult yet. Of course, that option needs to actually exist. It might even exist, but I sure don't know.

Of course this kid was three years old and the mom was 22, so it might not apply to her specifically. But then again, maybe it would have helped - maybe if that was an option three years ago, she wouldn't have done - something else - now?

Now we have a mystery who's most likely outcome is tragedy for the child and punishment for the mother.

Comments

[gifted-spirit.livejournal.com]

You have got to be kidding me. THIS is a viable option?

DO you have ANY idea the impact on your life Social Services can have? Prison looks DESIRABLE compared to their " help". NOT to mention the stigma and social condemnation you will get from society.

Not as easy as signing your name on some line and you are free to go.

[jamesq]

"THIS is a viable option?"

Yes. When the only other option you see is pillow-induced suffocation or suicide.

But If your point is, we need more options then bad and worse, I agree.

[jamesq]

I think she meant viable option for the parents, rather then a viable option for the kids.

There is a social stigma attached to giving your kids up, which I think is why making it easy to do early on is best. The less of a social impact it makes the better it will be for all concerned.

People who are trying to make the best decision for their children obviously aren't the people we're talking about now. The trick is to make this a viable option for people who only think about themselves.

Good on your folks BTW.

[oblivions.livejournal.com]

Is birth control so difficult? Even for those who are not diligent about pills there are other methods... or does this fall into the 'requires too much foresight" comment?

[jamesq]

We both know there's some stupid people out there. Sometimes they're criminally stupid.

Of course, this chick might be criminal *and* stupid rather then just *criminally stupid*.

[oblivions.livejournal.com]

Uhg... don't even get me started on that one. As a gift to myself for 30 I want my tubes tied... and what do I get, some doctor telling me "I should wait and see". *shudder*

I had to face to possibility of sterility at a young age so I wish they would believe me when I say I KNOW i don't want kids. I've had 10 years to think about.

[gifted-spirit.livejournal.com]

I am struggling to keep my screaming yowler closed on this volatile soap box WHICH is the wisest thing this mother could do.

As soon as a child is born.. the parents are guilty. Like any religion, everyone else knows what is " right" and " sane" and " reasonable".

Before ANYONE casts their first stone... I would hope they would be willing to spend.. say.. even 5 days alone with my youngest. ( keeping in mind that he is a good kid as far as kids go). Heck, even the unleashed one.

Unlike donations to your local charity, kid's can't be just dumped "for their well being " on the door step in a moses basket as the movies portray it. No matter what you do.. you WILL BE charged with ( at the very minimum) neglect & abandonment charges.

I have had women come up and scream at me in parking lots that I am an unfit mother, that people like me shouldn't be allowed to even have children in the first place. ( As Joel about that scene) I have also sat at 3 am, alone in my bedroom with a child held under the arm pits and using every fiber of my existence to PUT THE CHILD DOWN. NOT out of love.. out of the knowledge of how easy it would be to " make it shut up". The only reason my children are alive is not become of some supremacy on my part.. but the fact that I had support networks that weren't "professionals" and who had been there themselves.

I will NOT even think to pick up a stone. I don't know the whole story.

The truest statement? "most likely outcome is tragedy for the child and punishment for the mother."

[jamesq]

This folks, is exactly why I don't have kids, and why I think a no fault instant "adoption to the state" is a better idea then nothing.

[gifted-spirit.livejournal.com]

BTW anyone thought that maybe she DID do the right thing and that is why she is keeping her mouth shut? That maybe she gave the child up for some ILLEGAL adoption... and opening her mouth would not only ruin her life... but that of any hope for the child and the COUPLE that were willing to maybe give the child something better?

OHHH rightttt.. sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt the Media Witch Burning!

[jamesq]

Even if we do subscribe her with these, somewhat more noble, motives, it doesn't remove my main point: What made her think nobody would notice?

[oblivions.livejournal.com]

No one know the full story here. So before you assume that everyone is on the media bandwagon, let's take a breath.

It always seems to strikes me that according to everyone else no one knows how to raise kids. I don't know, don;t want kids and made efforts to ensure that doesn't ever happen. To those who chose to have kids, go for it! I just don't appreciate bratty kids, but I don't run into that super much. And kids are kids I suppose.

All that prattle aside, human nature doesn't often prevail for the good in unfortunate mysteries like this, be it accident, or something by intent. I have also heard the stories my mother has of my first year of life and how the Social Services tried to "help". Not a pleasant thing.

*shrug* No on truly knows or will ever know.

[madeileen.livejournal.com]

Perhaps I have the benefit of some experience with the media, and others may not. In my experience the media tends to be GROSSLY incorrect with their information. Often to the point where I think "was that the same call I was on??" Because of this I tend to think that anything written in the media needs to be taken with a piller of salt.
I honestly don't think that the obvious immediate conclusion is that she killed her child and stashed the body. I feel that there are many other much more plauseable options such as, the child was abducted, the child ran away, the child was taken by some people in the 'wrong crowd' for some reason. It it possible that I am wrong here, she may have in fact killed her child, but I feel there is a lot more to this story than what was written here. It seems to be our prime time TV minds that want to instantly conclude the worst in people.
Perhaps the mother was too scared to go to police or some other agency. Perhaps the mother didn't make the right choice to us, sitting here at our desks in our air conditioned offices, but then we know nothing of the real circumstances behind the situation. What we know of is five paragraphs that some other person, completely disconnected from the woman decided to compose.
I believe I will save my judgment on the woman and daughter, realizing I know nothing of the facts surrounding the events.