Hold The Pickles?
Feb. 28th, 2005 08:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqI went to the SCA tavern yesterday. I wasn't going to, on account of being stupidly busy this week. However events, and my desire to have the sexual maturity of a junior high school student, prevailed.
First event was the fact that I've been kinda-sorta looking for a second house (My inheritence is just enough for a down payment on a cheap place - if I can be reasonably certain of renting it out, the mortgage payments and property tax pays itself) I saw a place on welist.com that was in my price range, but once I had a look I decided it was not that good. It needs once of two things (and they have a direct relationship to each other): 1) it needs to be about 20K cheaper, or 2) it needs to have the basement completely renovated.
I was considering giving them a lowball offer, but as Connie pointed out, the money's not burning a hole in my pocket, I can simply wait for a different unit to come up that has the basement. This also means I don't have to go through the headache of getting the renovations done myself.
Anyway, I got Gareth to tag along (since his would likely be the name on the lease) and we checked it out. About the only good thing going for it was the fact that it was literally 2 minutes from Kirin's school. As he picked me up from work, I ended up being home several hours earlier than I anticipated. Plenty of time to bake cookies (which means I don't have to do that Saturday afternoon).
The ingredients were all bought a few days ago, so I got home, rolled up my sleeves and went at it. Now these are my specialty recipe, so I have everything completely internalized. That means that I can mix up a batch in about fifteen minutes. Add another half hour to bake them and not a lot of time has gone by. So I made three batches.
At the end, I was just going to go to bed, but then I remembered something very important - this month's tavern was going to feature the Amorous Pickle Eating Contest (APEC). So off I went to see this stellar competition.
I donated a bag of cookies to the tavern, and I suppose they made a few bucks on them (eight, maybe nine dollars?). I also chatted with a bunch of people. In this, the tavern was worth attending. I asked a few ladies present if they were going to enter the contest. "Hell no" was the usual response. I had high hopes for seeing certain ladies compete. A few of them did. A few of them did not.
My one complaint was that they took too damn long to get the competition started - it was 9:30 when they finally got to it. As you might imagine, the contest was rip-roaringly funny. Partially, this was the actual pickle fellating, but the peanut-gallery comments also contributed.
The contestants:
A few thoughts about the contest though. I think it is significant that 100% of the male contestants simply tried to eat their pickle whole right off the bat - perhaps they are trying to tell someone something? Ladies - don't bite the end of the pickle off unless your trying to scare would-be pickles.
Most important, to stand a chance in a contest of this sort, you must feel no shame. Some of the ladies were pressured into appearing I think, and their performance suffered for it. Public pickle eating is certainly something you should be willing to do prior to participating.
Lord B (who suggested the contest) donated two bottles of homemade wine to the winners. One went to Lady R and the other to Lord S.
I myself waled out of the tavern hall just in time to see my bus going around the corner. Ugh. I caught the next one thirty minutes later and managed to get to bed around 11:30.
First event was the fact that I've been kinda-sorta looking for a second house (My inheritence is just enough for a down payment on a cheap place - if I can be reasonably certain of renting it out, the mortgage payments and property tax pays itself) I saw a place on welist.com that was in my price range, but once I had a look I decided it was not that good. It needs once of two things (and they have a direct relationship to each other): 1) it needs to be about 20K cheaper, or 2) it needs to have the basement completely renovated.
I was considering giving them a lowball offer, but as Connie pointed out, the money's not burning a hole in my pocket, I can simply wait for a different unit to come up that has the basement. This also means I don't have to go through the headache of getting the renovations done myself.
Anyway, I got Gareth to tag along (since his would likely be the name on the lease) and we checked it out. About the only good thing going for it was the fact that it was literally 2 minutes from Kirin's school. As he picked me up from work, I ended up being home several hours earlier than I anticipated. Plenty of time to bake cookies (which means I don't have to do that Saturday afternoon).
The ingredients were all bought a few days ago, so I got home, rolled up my sleeves and went at it. Now these are my specialty recipe, so I have everything completely internalized. That means that I can mix up a batch in about fifteen minutes. Add another half hour to bake them and not a lot of time has gone by. So I made three batches.
At the end, I was just going to go to bed, but then I remembered something very important - this month's tavern was going to feature the Amorous Pickle Eating Contest (APEC). So off I went to see this stellar competition.
I donated a bag of cookies to the tavern, and I suppose they made a few bucks on them (eight, maybe nine dollars?). I also chatted with a bunch of people. In this, the tavern was worth attending. I asked a few ladies present if they were going to enter the contest. "Hell no" was the usual response. I had high hopes for seeing certain ladies compete. A few of them did. A few of them did not.
My one complaint was that they took too damn long to get the competition started - it was 9:30 when they finally got to it. As you might imagine, the contest was rip-roaringly funny. Partially, this was the actual pickle fellating, but the peanut-gallery comments also contributed.
The contestants:
Lady O: Talked dirty to her pickle, then quickly gave it a few shallow slurps. She ended by biting the end off.Judging was by purchased ballots, so it was completely unfair. Proceeds went to the tavern fund though. Lady R (deservedly) won. Whether this was due to a consensus by all gathered on her talented pickle eating, or whether he partner, Lord S bought all the votes, I have no idea.
Lady A: Also talked dirty to the pickle, assuring it that it was the largest she'd ever seen. She pet it with her hand and gave it several long licks. Finally, she bit the end off.
Lady R: Less dirty talk, more action. She trailed kisses up the side and ended up quickly sucking it in and out without using her hands. She ended up taking the whole pickle in her mouth and quickly got off stage (to spit presumably).
Lord B: With a flourish, took the whole pickle into the mouth as a circus performer would a sword.
Lord S: Tried to copy Lord B, but lacked the finesse. He did get the whole thing into his mouth though.
Lady W and Lady M: Two girls at the same time - isn't this every pickle's dream? Sadly, the pickle couldn't take this kind of attention for very long and it was all over way too quickly.
A few thoughts about the contest though. I think it is significant that 100% of the male contestants simply tried to eat their pickle whole right off the bat - perhaps they are trying to tell someone something? Ladies - don't bite the end of the pickle off unless your trying to scare would-be pickles.
Most important, to stand a chance in a contest of this sort, you must feel no shame. Some of the ladies were pressured into appearing I think, and their performance suffered for it. Public pickle eating is certainly something you should be willing to do prior to participating.
Lord B (who suggested the contest) donated two bottles of homemade wine to the winners. One went to Lady R and the other to Lord S.
I myself waled out of the tavern hall just in time to see my bus going around the corner. Ugh. I caught the next one thirty minutes later and managed to get to bed around 11:30.
