A Tale of My Parents, or Progress Happens
Aug. 16th, 2011 11:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqA story my folks told was that my mother broke the Glenmore dam. At the time, it had a very narrow road atop of it connecting the neighbourhoods of Altadore and Belaire. This was when the Glenmore interchange was being constructed back in the late 70's.
Anyway the folks got into a car accident on top of the dam and about a week later they closed the dam to vehicular traffic. Not, I hesitate to add because of structural damage caused by my parents crash, but because the city finished the Glenmore causeway and opened it up to traffic. However, my mother was teased about closing the dam anyway.
Mom took the teasing because, so the story goes, she and my father had gone out drinking, and on the way back she decided (in her inebriated state) that dad should teach her how to drive. She ended up hospitalised for a couple days while they fixed her broken foot.
I mentioned this story while reminiscing about my folks with my siblings.
The approach to the dam from the Altadore side. The building in the middle was what mymom dad ran into.
The road is gone, replaced by a giant pipe and a bikepath. It's probably safer this way, especially since the pipe effectively keeps teens from diving off the dam into the river below.
Dad drove drunk occasionally, though he did it less and less as he got older and it became less socially acceptable. I think he simply learned wisdom over the years rather then just changing his outward appearance. I know he would call others out on it (house guests attempting to leave a party drunk for example).
Here's the thing though, the attitude in the 70's was, sure drunk driving is bad, but you can't really stand in someone's way if it's their choice and besides, they can just be extra careful. You couldn't get away with that now - if people have an inkling that you're impaired, they flat out won't let you do it. You might get pissed now, but you'll thank us when you're sober. I've seen that in action.
So the point I'm trying to get to is that attitudes really do change for the better. Nobody says, drunk driving is politically correct talk, or that MADD is just a bunch of hippy do-gooders (well, almost nobody - there is no position so universally acknowledged as good that you can't find someone advocating against it).
Another example involving my folks. My mom's best friend was in an abusive marriage - like, "he punches me in the face because he cares" abusive. My dad told him that real men don't hit women. Asshole decided in his alcoholic state to teach my father a lesson and took a swing at him. Imagine Don Knotts taking a swing at Victor McLaglen and you would have a pretty clear idea of how that turned out. Dad only hit him once, but that was enough.
It didn't stop him beating his wife, nor did it stop my folks from socializing with them (though that was more so that mom's BFF wasn't abandoned). And I think that's another big difference between then and now. Even then everyone knew that abuse was wrong, but it was wrong in a way that was excused as "what happens in private is nobody's business - it would be great if she left him, but we can't interfere". Nowadays that attitude is largely gone. Your spouse shows up with bruises they can't explain and they'll have everyone giving them advice and you'll be getting the stink eye at best - ostracism and beatings at worst.
Things get better, children learn a better way.
While I don't think we should be complacent about the strides we still need to make, I think it's important to occasionally look back and see how far we've come.
Anyway the folks got into a car accident on top of the dam and about a week later they closed the dam to vehicular traffic. Not, I hesitate to add because of structural damage caused by my parents crash, but because the city finished the Glenmore causeway and opened it up to traffic. However, my mother was teased about closing the dam anyway.
Mom took the teasing because, so the story goes, she and my father had gone out drinking, and on the way back she decided (in her inebriated state) that dad should teach her how to drive. She ended up hospitalised for a couple days while they fixed her broken foot.
I mentioned this story while reminiscing about my folks with my siblings.
"Wait, you actually believed that story?"In my defence I was very young, and when I was older it didn't come up much.
"Well sure, why wouldn't I?"
"That's the story they told the cops so that dad wouldn't get nailed for drunk driving. Mom had nothing to do with that accident."
The approach to the dam from the Altadore side. The building in the middle was what my
The road is gone, replaced by a giant pipe and a bikepath. It's probably safer this way, especially since the pipe effectively keeps teens from diving off the dam into the river below.
Dad drove drunk occasionally, though he did it less and less as he got older and it became less socially acceptable. I think he simply learned wisdom over the years rather then just changing his outward appearance. I know he would call others out on it (house guests attempting to leave a party drunk for example).
Here's the thing though, the attitude in the 70's was, sure drunk driving is bad, but you can't really stand in someone's way if it's their choice and besides, they can just be extra careful. You couldn't get away with that now - if people have an inkling that you're impaired, they flat out won't let you do it. You might get pissed now, but you'll thank us when you're sober. I've seen that in action.
So the point I'm trying to get to is that attitudes really do change for the better. Nobody says, drunk driving is politically correct talk, or that MADD is just a bunch of hippy do-gooders (well, almost nobody - there is no position so universally acknowledged as good that you can't find someone advocating against it).
Another example involving my folks. My mom's best friend was in an abusive marriage - like, "he punches me in the face because he cares" abusive. My dad told him that real men don't hit women. Asshole decided in his alcoholic state to teach my father a lesson and took a swing at him. Imagine Don Knotts taking a swing at Victor McLaglen and you would have a pretty clear idea of how that turned out. Dad only hit him once, but that was enough.
It didn't stop him beating his wife, nor did it stop my folks from socializing with them (though that was more so that mom's BFF wasn't abandoned). And I think that's another big difference between then and now. Even then everyone knew that abuse was wrong, but it was wrong in a way that was excused as "what happens in private is nobody's business - it would be great if she left him, but we can't interfere". Nowadays that attitude is largely gone. Your spouse shows up with bruises they can't explain and they'll have everyone giving them advice and you'll be getting the stink eye at best - ostracism and beatings at worst.
Things get better, children learn a better way.
While I don't think we should be complacent about the strides we still need to make, I think it's important to occasionally look back and see how far we've come.
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Date: 2011-08-17 03:27 pm (UTC)On the other hand, I don’t think societies views of abuse have come that far. We like to tout our advanced morals on the subject but they rarely hold up to scrutiny. Too many people are willing to look the other way and ignore what is happening. I had a roommate who had been in an abusive marriage prior to me moving in with her. She had tons of people looks the other way at her black eyes, split lips and other signs. The thin excuses of "our special needs child had an attack" or "Oh I was vacuuming the stairs and slipped" were all people needed to appease their consciences.
In my experience, its easier for people to maintain status quo then get involved in perceived domestic issues. Cause lets be honest, domestic issues reside solely in a grey area. There are two sides to every story and most people only hear one side, or run with their assumptions.