Introverts in an Extrovert's World
Dec. 7th, 2010 12:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqMy post about disliking how salespeople intrude on me hit a chord. The simple fact is that this isn't going to change and my only options are not shopping in stores or learning to deal with it. Dealing with it is probably going to be a statement along the lines of "I'm just looking right now, but I'll find you if I have any questions."
Apparently most of my female friends are introverts, which is probably something I could have figured out if I'd bothered to calculate it.
It does underline that it's an extroverted world out there and I'll always be a little off in it. Not to the point where it's discriminatory you understand. More that I have to put up with lots of little indignities analogous to what a left-handed person must go through. To get things done I always have to go outside of my comfort zone. Making phone calls when I'd rather email for example. I'm never going to be the head of a company or an elected official because I'll never be comfortable doing the glad-handing that's required. Leadership roles self-select for extroverts. Humans are social creatures and extroverts are simply better at being social. Routine social interaction is something I learned only with difficulty and a lot of time and observation.
The two biggest problems are dating (regular readers know that crippling social anxiety is one of the two things keeping me from dating) and what I call the introvert-tax. The introvert-tax is whenever you pay full price for some big-ticket item where all the extroverts know the price is negotiable. Cars are a big one, and I'm very happy that some brands have abolished this practice.
Casual observers might doubt that I (or the numerous ladies who responded to the earlier post) are introverts. Certainly we don't act that way when we're in comfortable surroundings like an SCA event, and that might lead people to thinking we're like that all the time. This suggests to me that for most of human history being an introvert wasn't a drawback. It's certainly not a problem when you're comfortable with your tribe-mates. It's only when societies grow to the point where routine interaction with strangers is required that it becomes a problem. Mostly the "problem" is just the constant low-level stress of having to be around people and it's easily treated with self-imposed time-outs. Rarely it's crippling and the time-outs consume one's life and you become a recluse. I'm somewhere in the middle. I can function reasonably well, but there are large chunks of my life that I'm not satisfied with because of it.
Apparently most of my female friends are introverts, which is probably something I could have figured out if I'd bothered to calculate it.
It does underline that it's an extroverted world out there and I'll always be a little off in it. Not to the point where it's discriminatory you understand. More that I have to put up with lots of little indignities analogous to what a left-handed person must go through. To get things done I always have to go outside of my comfort zone. Making phone calls when I'd rather email for example. I'm never going to be the head of a company or an elected official because I'll never be comfortable doing the glad-handing that's required. Leadership roles self-select for extroverts. Humans are social creatures and extroverts are simply better at being social. Routine social interaction is something I learned only with difficulty and a lot of time and observation.
The two biggest problems are dating (regular readers know that crippling social anxiety is one of the two things keeping me from dating) and what I call the introvert-tax. The introvert-tax is whenever you pay full price for some big-ticket item where all the extroverts know the price is negotiable. Cars are a big one, and I'm very happy that some brands have abolished this practice.
Casual observers might doubt that I (or the numerous ladies who responded to the earlier post) are introverts. Certainly we don't act that way when we're in comfortable surroundings like an SCA event, and that might lead people to thinking we're like that all the time. This suggests to me that for most of human history being an introvert wasn't a drawback. It's certainly not a problem when you're comfortable with your tribe-mates. It's only when societies grow to the point where routine interaction with strangers is required that it becomes a problem. Mostly the "problem" is just the constant low-level stress of having to be around people and it's easily treated with self-imposed time-outs. Rarely it's crippling and the time-outs consume one's life and you become a recluse. I'm somewhere in the middle. I can function reasonably well, but there are large chunks of my life that I'm not satisfied with because of it.
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no subject
Date: 2010-12-07 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-08 02:12 am (UTC)(though shouldn't that be round on the head as most nails I know of are round headed.... shrug)
no subject
Date: 2010-12-08 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-08 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-08 02:45 pm (UTC)car companies have not actually abolished barganing
Date: 2010-12-08 08:02 am (UTC)They may not be allowed to change the base price, but they can throw things in (air conditioning,cruise control, block heater, delivery, upgraded stereo...). these items can definitely add up. I know this from personal experience with me and my brother buying from Saturn.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-09 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-09 05:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-09 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-09 08:22 pm (UTC)Laurels are probably introverts more often, simply because a lot of what people get Laurels for are solitary tasks.
Pelicans I can see being even. Some are organizers, which is extroverted and others just quietly do background work, which is introverted.