30 Things Every Man Should Have By 30

[jamesq]

I got the list from here. Looking through it, I see that the bullshit quotient is high. However, the opportunity for fun commentary is still there. And away we go.

1. A skin care regimen. C’mon guys, healthy complexions aren’t just for metrosexuals!

I call it soap. I use it every day. By the standards of gamers, that's pretty spectacular.

2. A tasty signature dish he can whip up for a date.

Do cookies count? Even if they don't, I know my way around a kitchen well enough to make a decent meal and not kill myself.

3. Respect for women as equals and not just as heads attached to boobs.

Never judge a woman by her boobs alone. Always take her ass into account.

4. At least four good pairs of shoes: dressy, business casual, casual, exercise.

I was going to protest that I needed more, but all the extras are boots (mukluks, hiking boots, rubber boots, etc.). I guess boots don't count.

5. At least one friend who gives honest fashion advice.

Whether I want it or not.

6. A tailored suit.

Now this I sadly don't have. Or rather, I have a suit, but the last time I wore it was evilscientist's wedding. It's out of fashion and probably fits like a tent.

7. A toolbox that includes: a hammer, screwdriver, wrench, nails, work gloves.

More then one toolbox with all of that actually. So why can I never find a tool when I need one?

8. Enough clean underwear (no holes!) to get him through a week between laundry sessions.

With that much you can go two weeks (reverse then) or even a month (inside-out).

9. Independence from his mama.

Fuck you.

Ok, that wasn't the best quip ever, but I miss my Mom.

10. The ability to ask for directions.
11. A great road map when there’s no one to ask.

If you have the map, you don't need to ask for directions.

12. A favorite cookbook.

"To Serve Mankind"

13. A decent set of pots and pans.

I own a fish poacher. Do you own a fish poacher? I thought not.

14. An emergency kit in the trunk of his car.

Chloroform, duct tape, large burlap sack, lye...

15. A hobby that does not include a television set or a 6-pack of beer.

Is this a logical OR, because my hobby includes pretending it's the middle-ages and a 6-pack of beer. Mmmm. Beer.

16. A trusted barber or hair stylist.

Any barber who can't wield a #3 razor is certainly not one to be trusted.

17. A pair of jeans that makes his butt look good.

My butt makes the jeans look good, not the other way around. I've got a fantastic backside.

18. Jumper cables.

Second thing I bought for Nameless. The first thing was my Darwin Fish decal. You've got to have priorities.

19. A driver’s license.

Ok, maybe I didn't have this quite by my 30's. It was close though.

20. Always enough toilet paper.

Because you don't want to have to put #8 to the ultimate test.

21. Sheets that don’t scratch.

Just watch out for the dreaded silk sheet/silk pajama situation, where you jump onto the bed and don't stop until you impact the far wall.

22. A nightstand that doesn’t say “Handle with care” on the side.

Mine says "Now serving."

23. A smile he uses generously.

Let's just say they're the exact opposite of a salesman's smile: Rare, but genuine.

24. At least one lamp that didn’t once belong in a dorm room.

Hmm. They're all hand-me-downs or from Ikea, so I think I've failed this one.

25. Enough confidence to approach someone he finds attractive.

Inevitable rejection is fun! How about "It's the 21st century, maybe some of them can ask me out for a change".

26. Enough sense not to use a cheesy pick-up line. (When in doubt, say “hello!”)

"Nice shoes..."

27. A great razor.

Whatever gets the job done without slitting my throat.

28. The beginning of a nest egg.

It's not my fault the lottery numbers haven't come up yet. I keep doing my part.

29. A place where everyone knows his name.

Remember kids, fame only lasts 15 minutes, but infamy lasts forever. Therefore, aspire to infamy.

30. At least one sex move he’s received lots of positive feedback on.

I am a man of many hidden talents.

24 out of 30 BTW.

Comments

[ladyerwyn.livejournal.com]

How did you get around before you got your drivers license?

[jamesq]

I walked everywhere, knew the local buses like the back of my hand. When my Dad was still healthy I could count on him in an emergency.

And I mooched a lot of rides off my friends. A lot of rides. I'll be paying back that karmic debt for years to come.

[othelianna.livejournal.com]

...this sounds vaguely familiar...hmmmm....

[danceintheabyss.livejournal.com]

One comment... #8
EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

[missymorgan1.livejournal.com]

3 - I'm with you on 3...

[thekillerb69.livejournal.com]

On 13, I have a fish poacher too. It's called the dishwasher. Works surprisingly well...

[ya-inga.livejournal.com]

*applause*

seemed warranted : )

I know a LOT of guys who couldn't score half that!

My guy is not one of them mind you - which is part of why I kept him : )

[jamesq]

I hadn't meant to praise the list - it has too many flaws. For example, a lot of the list involves being good-looking and having disposable income. These are not the measure of a man.

A more accurate assessment might be this:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

-Robert A. Heinlein

[ya-inga.livejournal.com]

To be prescise I wasn't praising the list - I was praising your responses to it : )

And I LOVE that Heinlein quote : )