Children, Responsibility, Drunkeness and Crime

[jamesq]

sca_snark has a couple of good posts (go check them out, there's been several in the last 24 hours) on parental responsibility at camping events. I figure this would make a decent jumping off point for some of my beliefs.

First things first, I'm happy to report I've not personally seen the horror stories that other people tell about misbehaving and/or unsupervised children. I know plenty of parents in the local SCA and there children all seem to about as well behaved as one can expect for their assorted ages. Which is to say they act their age, but the parents have set (and enforce) firm boundaries.

About the worst I've seen locally was a lost boy at May Crown. wild_wanderer took him to troll and I went around camp doing my town crier best to holler up the parents. The kid was wandering merchants row and the parents where on the far side of the erics, which raised my eyebrows a bit since this was not a trivial distance. All's well that ends well.

I've seen other examples of lost children, in all cases the child was found rapidly. Often it was the parents themselves who raised the alarm.

I don't consider the occasional wandering child to be "misbehaving" in the sense the sca_snark posts mean.

I think we can all agree that it's the parent's job to look after their kids. You'd think this would be common sense of the "don't stuff angry wasps into your mouth" variety, but the evidence of childfree suggests otherwise.

The topic moved on to expectations of grown-ups at the camping events. Both children and near-adult teens was discussed. I'd like to generalize there findings:Don't be a dick.
Don't swear like a sailor in a Bangkok whore house around the kiddies. Don't be putting the moves on the 16-year old girls. Ask first before lighting up a cigarette.

Don't stuff angry wasps into your mouth.

Are there exceptions? A few. If it's after after ten in the evening, and you're in a clearly adult camp (the Grotto party at Quad War for example), knock yourself out. Start telling dirty jokes, singing bawdy songs or just passing around the home-made hooch. First base making out with a consenting adult is fine too, though you might want to consider moving to tent if it's getting that hot and heavy.

The corollary is that, if you're a parent and you're exposing your kids to this after 10pm, I strongly encourage you to take the kids back to their home camp. If you don't, the inadvertent insights into rowdy adult behavior that they get is your fault.

I've heard a lot about how the SCA (or some subset of the SCA, Peers for example) are somehow better then what we derisively call "mundanes".

I've seen nothing to suggest that our behavior is better or worse on the truly bad things then any other normal segment of society. That is to say, I suspect the rates of murderers, rapists and child molesters in the SCA is not significantly differently from normal. IANASociologist.

I think where we are better is in base-level politeness compared to normal western standards, but that's a pretty low bar. I've seen jerks and non-jerks in the SCA. I've seen peers and non-peers. I have not seen any evidence that peers are any better or worse on the jerk-scale from the hoi polloi of the SCA. I've met some exceptionally noble people in the Society who will never be recognized as peers. Conversely some of the biggest pricks I've met are peers. The biggest womanizer I know is in the SCA. When my friend's daughters begin to get curves, you can bet I'll be warning them to stay the hell away from him.

Myself? I'm pretty much no different in the mundane world from the way I am in the Society. If you think I'm a nice guy in the SCA, you'll probably think I'm the same nice guy away from events. Conversely, if you think I'm a miserable know-it-all in the SCA, that's pretty much what you're going to think away from it. I've gossiped enough in my time to wonder what the gossip about me sounds like. Hopefully I have a decent sex life in my gossip-sphere.

If SCA camping events are any safer then a similar mundane event, I think the vital factor is our close-knit nature rather then anything to do with chivalry and honor. It's pretty rare at an SCA event to not be in shouting distance of someone you know. Getting raped under these circumstances is less likely. The flip-side to that coin is that people close ranks to defend their own. Not in a "Jack raped someone, we need to defend him" way so much as "this chick says Jack raped her, and we know that can't possibly be true, so we need to defend him".

I've been called upon to escort people back to their camp when their judgment has been destroyed by excess drink. I've had women confess to me that they were worried about their safety. I've seen behavior that was well into creepy without being quite flat-out sexual harassment. It is sad that this aspect of the world is not eliminated in the elaborate fantasy society we've created. However, I don't think pretending that we're somehow morally superior will help improve the situation. If anything it'll make abused people less likely to talk about it, just like they were les likely to talk about it in the past.

A final word: We're certainly no worse then anyone else. If you decide to avoid the SCA because of a fear of assault, you should probably equally fear walking down the street.

Comments

[devoidofthought.livejournal.com]

Damnit James! You are a terrible (in that awesome way) person.

I have now spent a good 2 hours reading sca snark. o.O

[jamesq]

Porn is more productive.

[devoidofthought.livejournal.com]

Porn does absolutely nothing for me.

[jamesq]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[devoidofthought.livejournal.com]

It's quite sad. Much frustration could easily be resolved if it were not the case.

[gifted-spirit.livejournal.com]

I have to admit that I opened your post today prepared to write something in defense and firmness of SCA parents.

I have nothing! You have written this well. I am in full agreement. I will not go read the SNARCs because it will make my blood boil and ... well.. really.. I am not involved in the community at this point.

As you are aware, I am one of those parents that believes in boundaries and have NO problem grabbing an ear or arm to jerk someone back into those lines. ESPECIALLY my kids. I also defend my kids if they are within those boundaries and adults are acting childish or tyrannical.

I have seen a few folks in the SCA that I wanted to smack with regards to how they handled ( didn't handle ) their children.

I have also been that parent who's 3 year old BOLTED from her vision during a tourney and passed 4 rows adults before slipping under the eric ropes and scaring the SNOT out of the fighting Sir Murchad. It was amazing to all present how everyone saw him and no one put 2 + 2 together and realized his destination. The situation no different than the mother who's child slips from her grasp in a grocery store parking lot while loading groceries.. and finds himself infront of a brake screeching car. I have shame to this day for that.

I totally agree with you that the SCA truly is no better or worse than society. Simply by having a name and a game doesn't change human nature.

Indeed, well written and am in full agreement of your view as written here.