A Winter's War on a Spring Day

[jamesq]

garething and I got up at stupid-o-clock in the morning to attend Winter War, one of the big Borealis events.

A little background: Instead of the usual geographically based war (in which everyone else gangs up on Borealis and loses, because they have all the heavy fighters), TRMs decided to have a quasi-gender based war. The King's army (representing strength and honour) would fight against the Queen's army (representing grace and beauty). This was announced at Montengarde 12th night and the last several months saw a lot of recruiting and speculation as to who would be on which team.

G pretty much immediately decided to be on the Queen's army. I was more ambivalent. I've got no particular ties to either army so I wanted to see who would ask. Specifically I wanted someone to say something along the lines of "that thing you do well, we value it and would like you to do it for our side". A little affirmation basically. I didn't get that, mostly I got "who's side are you on?" and one or two perfunctory "join our side" requests. Nothing like what I was hoping for.

I'll be the first to admit I'm injecting too much of my own internal drama into this.

Hell, I'd have gladly taken a bribe. There is a long-standing tradition of cookies-for-mercenaries in the SCA. Francois' Fops got paid three pounds of cookies each for their participation, which shows that I need to be in a union with a decent negotiator. I need three pounds of cookies like I need a high-velocity 9mm brain hemorrhage, but at least it'd be something.

I also had an "experiment" of sorts going on. It wasn't going to determine which side I was on, but I did want to see what was valued. As there was a chance that I'd actually participate in the heavy scenarios as a combat archer (I got authorized for that prior to Estrella), I wanted to know if I was more valuable to a side as one of the best target archers in Avacal, or as the greenest, most inept, combat archer in Avacal.

Ultimately, my literally last second decision for which side to be on came down to a comment attributed to a Borealan squire on the King's side that I'd heard second hand: "We all know that the only important part of the war is the heavy fighter scenarios. Rapier, archery, a&S don't really matter." So I joined the Queen's side. Not that that matters much - I shot like ass. My contribution to the war was sufficiently negligible that I could have stayed home.

Incidentally, I'm having a really hard time putting my archery skills back together this year. I've satisfied myself that I'm still a "Master Archer" (I've shot 80+ scores three times this season), but I'm nowhere near as good as I was a year ago (shooting in the mid 90's). I blame the weight gain which has physically altered my ability to do anything athletic, and has mentally devastated my confidence. Do I really need to lose 40 pounds to be able to shoot 100? I fear that this is true, just as I fear a lot of the things I want more then anything else are tied to the goal of dragging myself out of Jabba-territory. Of course, having gone 30 points over my Weight Watchers target on Saturday and 23 points over yesterday, I think I see what where the problem lies.

I was pleasantly surprised by one aspect of Winter War though. I was so sure that they'd have declared peace that I'd have bet cash money on it, if I could find someone to take the bet (no one here would do it). And by "declare peace" I mean I was sure that the King and Queen where going to have a big speech during court on how strength and grace really need to work together and one side isn't really better then the other, blah blah blah. Then they'd declare the point totals for the assorted scenarios null and void. There is ample precedent for this since it happened at the last two Quad Wars. The Prince and Tanist each time said "I can't fight my brother" (thus betraying a lack of knowledge of both history and sibling rivalries) and declared a tie.

Thankfully that didn't happen this time - the Queen won.

So why didn't I fight in the heavy scenarios? Two reasons really. We'll call them "the stated reason" and "the real reason".

The stated reason is that I was borrowing wild_wanderer's armour, and he had decided to fight this weekend, so I couldn't use it. Lacking armour, I can't fight.

The real reason is because heavy fighting throws me into an anxiety attack. I hate, more then anything else on planet Earth, the feeling of being stupid and awkward. Heavy fighting puts me there mentally because it's a steep learning curve and I'm right at the bottom. I also firmly believe that I'm going to be surrounded by a lot of less-then-charitable people on the war field. I don't mean that I'm afraid to take a hit - I mean doing something wrong and getting a public dressing-down by someone who's forgotten that they were a beginner once too. I've heard too many first-hand accounts of such things for me to discount it.

If I really wanted to do this, I could have. I have ample resources available to me to make it happen. It's not like I can't afford the monetary cost. At the very least, I could have cobbled something together if I hustled my ass the last two weeks. But lets face it, it's hard to get enthused about something you're convinced will make you a laughing stock. It's not a rational feeling by any stretch, but it's there nonetheless.

So shooting like ass during the target archery and having all that go through my mind while watching the heavy scenarios later put me into a pretty crappy mood. It wasn't as bad as some previous, nearly identical, situations, mostly due to being able to talk to numerous people that I like. I also had a good time at a local pub, which a bunch of us went to to escape the potluck feast (Last WW I was at I got sick. Maybe it was the food, maybe it wasn't, but I'm fine with not knowing).

We got back in time for some socializing and court. Court was fun and a bit of serendipity turned my mood around. A girl I like a lot came up and chatted with me for a bit. Not just any girl either, but one I've had a low-level crush on for awhile. There's two currently: the one from Edmonton who isn't interested in me romantically, and the one from Calgary who isn't interested in me romantically. For clarification, this was the Edmonton one. It was fun and it brightened my day. Sadly, I couldn't extend it further as G and I decided to drive home. We ejected almost immediately after court and came back to Calgary. I got into bed around 1:30.

Was it a good event? Everyone appeared to be having a good time, and I was glad to see my friends. I'd like to be able to do one of these things without dragging around so much baggage though.

Comments

[ya-inga.livejournal.com]

Glad you had a good time and thank you for shooting for my side regardless.

It seemed most folks had fun and that is good : )

As for the heav stuff - I've never seen anyone get dressed down on the field for anything other than being unsafe but that's just my experience.

Good luck with de-baggaging : )

[snooness2]

Sorry we didn't get to chat... the two times I caught sight of you, you seemed to be hurring from point A to B.

In my limited feild experience as a combat archer (all of 2 years) I've never been dressed down for doing something wrong. Corrected - yes. Dressed down - no.

I suspect you would have been okay out there, since there are a whole ton of new fighters in Borealis right now, and this will have been the first or second time on the field for most of them.

Also, I found that to get cookies as a merc. you generally have to advertise you are willing to work for cookies, and sometimes arrange it in advance. Letters to either side before a fight works well, and banding together with a number of folks garners more cookies. (ie: you get all your archery friends together and then approach each side... also be ready to suggest a 'fair' price; and negotiate back and forth. (4 average combat archers together was worth a 4L bucket of cookies about 8ish years ago... I hope the price has gone up).

[conejita-diabla.livejournal.com]

As one of the people you're probably referring to with the dressing down stories, I apologise if that plays any part in keeping you off the field. It doesn't for me, although it probably is a factor in keeping me out of practices/tournies/etc...

[jamesq]

You've been nothing but encouraging to me in this, and other, endeavors. You have nothing to apologize for.