Meanwhile, in the House of Sexual Deviancy...

[jamesq]

First, the good news, I found the Hello Kitty vibrator. Damn near the last box of crap I had too. I originally bought it a few years ago on a lark when they were about $15 each (they're considerably more expensive now). So far, unless someone's been sneaking it away without my knowledge, it has been used only for massaging shoulders. Don't believe me - do you really think I'd keep quiet about having someone to use it on?


Boba Fett pez and Hello Kitty vibrator - Can you tell the difference?

I showed it to my two roommates when I found it. Lacking a clitoris, I stuck it on top of a pile of comic boxes sitting in my living room waiting to be organized and there it sat. Now for those of you who haven't followed the link, the HKV looks, from a distance, like a PEZ dispenser. It is not obviously a sex toy unless you already know what sex toys are in the first place.

A few nights ago, Kermit had L and her six-year old daughter K over. K was watching DVDs while the ladies worked on their chain mail. I was sorting papers from a different box of crap. K found the movie that was playing to be boring so she started exploring. The three of us, immersed in our own little projects, didn't notice her looking at the pile of boxes next to the couch. Then we heard the noise.

Bzzzzzzz

"Mommy, what's this?" she asked, holding up the Hello Kitty vibrator that she has just turned on.

L gives me a look that indicates death will be in my immediate future.

"It's a shoulder massager" she says.

I remove it from K's hand and turn her around and press it to the back of her neck. I then remove it and turn it off.

"See, it's for your shoulders", I add helpfully.

Thankfully she didn't require further explanation and K's Mommy didn't immediately emasculate me.

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Embarassing moments

[nosarious.livejournal.com]

You know. I had a rather embarassing moment at the hotel, recently...

well... not embarassing for me, but embarassing for the girl who had the misfortune to forget something on the floor of the elevator she was aving trouble with.

Innocently enough, when I saw it I picked it up and turned around, holding what appeared to be a wet bundle of cloth (a hanky, I assumed)

As I utter the words "Is this yours" it unfurls as a very, very skimpy thong. I was holding it by two fingers towards her. There was... um... er... color on it... I was hoping it was a pattern.

"Oh god!" was what she said, and once the elevator doors opened, she ran to the back and refused to look around, while her friend (laughing as only friends can in these situations... all the while trying to say "I'm sorry" but they are laughing too hard) saunters into the elevator and presses all the right buttons to go to the floor they were going to.

My colleague, who witnessed the whole thing just pointed down the hall and said "Go. Wash. Now."

afterwards, still feeling rather unclean (there was a spot on them, you see. Being colorblind I cannot tell if it was a printed strawberry pattern or something... else..." I liberally sprayed my hands with windex and towelled them off...

twice.

Whyte Avenue... Friday nights... sigh... It's a job...

Gerry...