Virtue Yields Rewards and Punishment

[jamesq]

I was good all week and my virtue was rewarded - I lost 4.2 pounds. My reward was to be a slice of peanut butter cheesecake at the Cheesecake Cafe.

After my WW meeting I had the option of eating alone at the NW Cafe or going to fight practice and seeing if I could convince anyone to go with me to the south Cafe. I stomped down a "nobody likes me" anxiety moment and went to fight practice. Ended up chatting with some good folks (mostly mommaquilter) and seven of us ended up going to the Cafe.

I was pretty hungry by the time I got there (9:30) so I ordered a small meal and discovered that the flavour of cheesecake I wanted was not available. I ordered the carrot cake instead (which I've been eyeing for months now). It arrived and it was about eight inches tall. Or roughly the size of three normal slices of carrot cake.

Now there was a time when I could have easily plowed through a meal at Cheesecake Cafe and a dessert. That time is past. Weight Watchers has "shrunk" my stomach so that eating that much food make me ill. However I was in a weird head space last night where I decided I had earned this dessert and by damn I was going to eat it. I couldn't finish it. And I tried really hard too. I passed it on to my table mates and they finished it off, which led me to several realizations:

1. It's not a reward if it doesn't feel pleasurable.
   
2. I should have chopped the bottom 2/3 of the cake off and passed it around to the other four people at the table who probably would have eaten it (two weren't interested). That would have been the equivalent to a half a slice of normal carrot cake each.

Urgh. It's now the morning after. I'm still full and the thought of breakfast makes me nauseous. I have a touch of heartburn still eight hours later. It's like being hung over, except it's in the pit of my stomach instead of my head. In my defense, it was a very tasty piece of carrot cake.

This has happened before. I forget the last time I ate to sickness and, having forgotten, I do it again. The bright side is these episodes are coming less and less often.

Now this isn't going to affect next week's weight goals that much. I have every intention of being good and there's likely to be no major distractions (gaming, social events with finger food) so I should be OK.

I will be skipping breakfast though. I'll probably be skipping my usual pre-archery restaurant supper as well.

I'm still willing to give rides to the usual suspects, but it will be a later pickup and you're on your own for food.

Comments

[oblivions.livejournal.com]

I stomped down a "nobody likes me" anxiety moment and went to fight practice.

Tsk! I hope that feeling has passed! We quite enjoy your company and it was good last night because we had much more of audience than we normally do, otherwise you may have been bored watching us chase each other around. You are always welcome.

The cake was good if overly large. Shame to hear it's haunting you even now. The rest of us parasites are always willing to help should that situation arise again! :)

[jamesq]

A few points:

• Social anxiety is my curse.
  
• Many years of therapy and it's about half the demon it was, but it will always be with me.
  
• The moment passed quickly because I knew how irrational it was.
  
• In the past I'd have picked "avoid". Last night - not so much.

As for the dessert, yeah, I'll share next time. The weird head space went like this - I have this dessert. I have to eat it today because tomorrow I'll be back on the wagon, therefore I can't stick it in a doggie bag, I have to put it in my pie hole instead." At no time did it occur to me to share it out. That it didn't occur to me is a little alarming.

[oblivions.livejournal.com]

I must admit you had a look of one not to be thwarted last night. :)

[rocket-ron.livejournal.com]

Seems to me the desire not to share and keep it all to yourself is perfectly natural given how strict you were with yourself last week. I always find that when on diets, deprivation leads to desperation!