Talent

[jamesq]

I've noticed an interesting mental disconnect in myself. I am not jealous of people better then I am of things that I am also good at. Ellias may be a much better shot then I am with a bow, but I don't feel that I should be jealous of this. No, I'm glad that I know someone who can help me to achieve greater things myself.

Incidentally I shot a 97 at today's impromptu practice. That's a new personal best for me and gives me an average for the year of 91.

Where I have trouble is when I know people who are immensely talented in a field I'm complete rubbish in. Especially if it's something I wish I could do. Being a charming extrovert is on such area, but today I saw some pretty good singing, dancing and acting. All things I'm no good at.

Partly I feel this as a loss because I desperately want to do something creative like that. But also, I feel like there is a part of that person's life that is closed to me. It's something I simply can't relate to when I hear them tell their stories, neither can I participate with them when they engage their talents. It's like the longing a Kiwi must feel wanting to fly.

It makes me question why I'm in the SCA since so much of it is stuff that I'm simply no good at. I can't really play act a medieval persona. I can't craft things. I can't fight. Thank goodness I am good at archery, at least that gives me something I can point to as "what I do". Other then that I try to make myself generally useful in an effort to keep people from noticing that I don't really belong here.

Which brings me to Nine, the musical conejita_diabla was playing in. I saw it tonight with kermie_canada and othelianna.

Nine is a riff on Fellini's 8½. Our hero, Guido Contini is a famous directory who will be starting a new project soon but has writers block and numerous romantic complications. The musical consists of the innumerable (not really, I counted 24) women revolving around Guido. Sometimes they are there in reality and sometimes they exist only in Guido's memory.

So how was it? It had some funny bits, but it was mostly a tragedy. Guido comes to terms with himself and his art but it costs him his wife. The scenes where Luisa finally leaves were heartbreaking, Mostly because I had a sense that they really did love each other still, but couldn't stand to be with each other anymore despite their love. A breakup when love no longer exists is a relief in comparison. This is just sadness.

There were some powerful good singers in this play, I think there was only one "weak" one in the bunch. Fortunately her number was small. Everyone else, spot on. Although the actor playing Guido's voice was cracking slightly during one of the final numbers. He was singing a little higher then his range, and he was on the last performance of the run and the second of the day so I'm willing to cut him some slack.

conejita_diabla had two numbers (as well as singing chorus for much of the rest) and she did a great job. I may be biased though as I got the feeling she was singing some of her numbers directly at me. It certainly felt like eye-contact, even though I doubt she could pick me out of the crowd.

Whenever I go to amateur theatre in Calgary I get an urge to volunteer to help. As I've mentioned before I'd be useless on stage, but that doesn't mean I can't help out behind the scenes. I tell people that this is so I can meet theatre chicks. "Ha ha" they say, "that James, always pining for the womenfolk". The truth of the matter is that I want to belong with that sort of group. I want to feel that my contributions, minor though they may be, have contributed to the success of something creative.

Sorry folks, I've had a few to drink so I'm a wee bit whiny tonight. It's hard to type correctly so I may have to stop before I reveal any more deep-dark confessions.

Comments

[somejauntypolka.livejournal.com]

There's lots of room to participate in a supportive capacity, cuz when it comes right down to it, I think that us performing types would really rather worry about our parts that we would about maintaining the mail list or event website, sending out press releases, ordering the fruit plate and bottles of water for the cast, selling or creating tickets etc... the list goes on.

Our friend was on the board of directors for Pacific Theatre for the longest time and although he had a small part in a performance once, that was the least of his extremely important BOD duties. Sitting on a board is (as you know) an important kind of volunteerism as well!

[conejita-diabla.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. There are never enough people to do the technical and administrative stuff, and without that the rest of us are fucked. It's no *minor* contribution.