Putting it Better Then I Can

[jamesq]

From a Fark thread on Chivalry:

Chivalry (today) is two things.
1) a code comprising purely symbolic acts.
2) simple respect

For example, Holding a door open for a woman does not imply that she is too weak to do so; rather that you are willing to be supportive in small things.

Chivalry in some ways is the opposite of sexism. Sexism seeks to restrict women to a role. Chivalry does not.

Also, it's sexism if the only reason you hold the door open for them is to check out their rear-end. That's just a fringe benefit and you should hold the door open regardless of how nice their rear-end looks. But then, I hold the door open for whoever's behind me regardless of gender.

Comments

[ersatz-marduk.livejournal.com]

For example, Holding a door open for a woman does not imply that she is too weak to do so; rather that you are willing to be supportive in small things.

Then wouldn't it be better to offer to hold the door, rather than assuming it will be a welcome gesture?

[jamesq]

Sometimes it takes less time to do then to ask. I humbly submit that in something so small and quick as holding a door, asking first wastes everyones time and thus crosses a line from considerate to passive-aggressive.

This does lead to a pet peeve of mine that's a little hard to explain without diagrams. Basically, I hate it when a person holds the door for me in such a way that I have to hustle to keep up with them. This can be when they're well ahead of me, and it also happens when two people reach a transparent door from opposite sides at roughly the same time. In this case, the person on the side that the door opens towards should hold the door (since they have to stop to open the door anyway) and the other person should go first. Doing it the other way (the person who could have pushed the door open doesn't, opting to hold the door instead) slows the whole exchange down for no good reason.

I also hate it when a car stops at the crosswalk for me when I'm so far from the crosswalk that they should have just ignored me. i.e. when they'd have been half a block passed the crosswalk before I'd have set my foot on the street.

I try not to let these things bother me too much though, because that direction leads to madness.

[conejita-diabla.livejournal.com]

Oh, so glad to know I'm not the only one...:-)

[ersatz-marduk.livejournal.com]

How long does it take for a person to say, "If I may?" as you pull a door open? I've had people decline, even when there was just the one door, so I fail to see the problem.

I understand your pet peeve, but I've found it's easily dealt with by saying, "No, it's okay," or waving drivers through. There are more important things at work than efficient exchanges anyway.

[jamesq]

Well, your method does obligate them to respond in some fashion, while mine does not. Not saying don't do it - just saying I won't.

This is OK by me because I don't do it for thanks.