This Is Why We Can't Have Good Things

[jamesq]

Two weeks and 4.4 pounds up. If the trip weren't in the past, I'd have to cancel it.

I'm starting to think I can't actually go on vacations or attend SCA events. Every time I do, I end up gaining weight.

It's like trying to squeeze the last bit of moisture out of a sponge. No matter how much effort you put into it, you can never squeeze that fucker dry. But put it anywhere near any moisture and it soaks it up effortlessly. Weight lose is like that. These last few pounds just keep getting harder and harder. You plateau, you redouble your efforts and eventually any lose at all - no matter how small - becomes an exhausting victory. Then you slide off the wagon and the ounces of weight loss over months becomes pounds of weight gain over days. It's god damn frustrating. I swear to god, I've lost the same ten pounds eight times in the last year and a half.

I want to just cut the last part out of me. It's like it represents everything I hate about myself. Every flaw, every mistake, every regret. If I can just get rid of these last few pounds then none of it is insurmountable. But I can't get rid of that last piece no matter how hard I try. I'd strangle it if I could.

The last ten pounds came only because of my rewards. I wanted this last trip badly. Every time I saw a snack or thought about having seconds, I could stop. I'd think do you really want that, or would you rather have that trip to Vancouver more. And it worked too.

Then the trip finally came and I slacked off. And the trip wasn't as good as I'd hoped. Now I have twelve pounds to go (instead of eight) and I don't know what I want, other then wanting it gone. I have no goals - well, no realistic goals anyway.

It's hard to get back up on that wagon when you have no idea how much farther it goes.

Comments

[ladyerwyn.livejournal.com]

Just don't give up. You told me that. Last year I was losing 1-2lbs a week and the weight, though coming off slowly was coming off, but it's taken me about 4 months to lose 10lbs and I've been up and down since then and I blame it on my bad eating habits.

I let myself go wild at Christmas. I didn't mean too, but the temptation was too great, so I figured I'd get it out of my system and start fresh after new years and I have, but I've been eating a little more bad stuff here one week and a little more there.

The more distance I get and the more I tell myself that I don't really want that stuff, that it's only the cravings and I plan what I want to eat helps me to keep sticking to my path. Now I do like that other stuff, but I realize that 1. I don't really need it. 2. I don't really want it. 3. I can have it if I do really feel like eating it.

I was glad to see that I've dropped another pound this week. That brings my total to 73lbs down. Don't let your trip get to you. Take stock and fall back on the meal plans that helped you lose all your weight. You are my inspiration and because of you I am now inspiring people. Sometimes we slide a little and sometimes we slide a little more, but you are aware and you can do something about it, before you end up in a place you don't want to be.

Awareness is the key. When I got fat I didn't realize that I had gotten fat. I didn't look at myself in the mirror much, because I had thought I was fat before, which wasn't true, but that's the way I felt. I kept having to buy bigger clothes, but even when I did that I tried not to think about it and then one day I saw myself in the mirror when I turned sideways and didn't even recognize myself, because the person looking back at me didn't match the mental picture I had in my head, which was much thinner.

I don't know where I'd be if you hadn't told me how great WW was. You're trip is in the past, don't worry about what you ate that you maybe shouldn't have. Life is too short. Move on and improve on what you are doing today and tomorrow. Plan. It's okay to eat things you shouldn't every once and a while. It helps keep us sane. Nothing is off limits, we just choose not to eat them all the time.

You have accomplished something extraordinary. Take a look around the next time you are at the supermarket and see how many overweight people there are and see what's in their carts. You'd be amazed at what people are eating. Some, like us have started eating better, but the majority aren't and they are stuck in their ruts, Or don't want to change their habits. It's very hard to start what we did and keep going and we have. That is something extraordinary and it's worth celebrating, but with movie, not a snack.

Don't sweat the small stuff. I know that I get upset when I gain and then I'm super good the next week and lose and then maybe a little something I shouldn't, then I'm careful with my allowance points. Since Christmas it's been harder for me to say no to things I don't need to eat, but maybe want a little. So you are not alone.

I'll stop rambling now. I hope this helps some.