Non-Trad Was Fun, But I'm Still a Loser

Hmm. I seem to be the first to comment on catalytic and madeileen's Non-Traditional Christmas Party. It was a good party, and our hosts were (as usual) superbly entertaining.

But still, I felt like a wallflower. This is my own fault of course. It's a little like how I was at wendy_licious and wackynephew's parties several years ago. I didn't really know anybody, and my enjoyment really depended on being able to monopolize the time of the people I did know. Thankfully I've gotten beyond that stage with them. Now I just have to get past the same stage for catalytic & madeileen.

Not helping matters was the fact that I seemed to be the only single person there. True, hislittlekitty was there, but she was there with R. All the couples that were there seemed to consist of really attractive girls and their stereotypically geek boyfriends. Where do these women hang out and how do they these other geeks find them, that's what I want to know. Is there some island where hot-women-who-dig-geeks live, and does some cabal of geeks keep the location secret to all but a select few? And where does catalytic fit into it all - is he the president of the club or merely it's social secretary?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Contributing to my malaise is the fact that I had way too much junk food today. first it was gaming, then it was the party. I also made shortbread, which was not a smart move. I've gotten to the point in my weight loss journey that eating large amounts of junk food now makes me nauseous. I suppose this is a good thing as it will sometimes keep me from over-indulging (though it didn't help this time). Unfortunately, my mind has not caught up to my body; when it does I should be able to simply think "That's too much, if you eat it you'll get sick". Currently I still have the mind of a guy 50 pound heavier who says "junk food good. More junk food better".

When my mind catches up to my body, I hope it send word back to my self-esteem to catch up. Despite the evidence of my own eyes, and those of everyone around me, I still feel like the blob I was a year ago. They say that every fat person has a thin person struggling to get out. What they don't tell you is that the thin person doesn't escape - he switches places. I'm now turning into a thin person who has a fat person struggling to get out. He made a break for it today.

So yeah, the party was fun and I'm glad I went. They'll get even better when I know enough other people there that my loneliness isn't quite so obvious.