Non-Trad Was Fun, But I'm Still a Loser

[jamesq]

Hmm. I seem to be the first to comment on catalytic and madeileen's Non-Traditional Christmas Party. It was a good party, and our hosts were (as usual) superbly entertaining.

But still, I felt like a wallflower. This is my own fault of course. It's a little like how I was at wendy_licious and wackynephew's parties several years ago. I didn't really know anybody, and my enjoyment really depended on being able to monopolize the time of the people I did know. Thankfully I've gotten beyond that stage with them. Now I just have to get past the same stage for catalytic & madeileen.

Not helping matters was the fact that I seemed to be the only single person there. True, hislittlekitty was there, but she was there with R. All the couples that were there seemed to consist of really attractive girls and their stereotypically geek boyfriends. Where do these women hang out and how do they these other geeks find them, that's what I want to know. Is there some island where hot-women-who-dig-geeks live, and does some cabal of geeks keep the location secret to all but a select few? And where does catalytic fit into it all - is he the president of the club or merely it's social secretary?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Contributing to my malaise is the fact that I had way too much junk food today. first it was gaming, then it was the party. I also made shortbread, which was not a smart move. I've gotten to the point in my weight loss journey that eating large amounts of junk food now makes me nauseous. I suppose this is a good thing as it will sometimes keep me from over-indulging (though it didn't help this time). Unfortunately, my mind has not caught up to my body; when it does I should be able to simply think "That's too much, if you eat it you'll get sick". Currently I still have the mind of a guy 50 pound heavier who says "junk food good. More junk food better".

When my mind catches up to my body, I hope it send word back to my self-esteem to catch up. Despite the evidence of my own eyes, and those of everyone around me, I still feel like the blob I was a year ago. They say that every fat person has a thin person struggling to get out. What they don't tell you is that the thin person doesn't escape - he switches places. I'm now turning into a thin person who has a fat person struggling to get out. He made a break for it today.

So yeah, the party was fun and I'm glad I went. They'll get even better when I know enough other people there that my loneliness isn't quite so obvious.

Comments

[ersatz-marduk.livejournal.com]

They say that every fat person has a thin person struggling to get out. What they don't tell you is that the thin person doesn't escape - he switches places.

Very good insight.

For the record, you weren't the only single person there. I know I was single last night. Checked this morning and yep, still single. I don't know if it helps any to know that, but I thought I'd share it anyway, on the off chance of provoking amusement.

[iyelli.livejournal.com]

also a single party attendee :)

[jamesq]

A stranger!?! Responding to my post!!!

Who are you stranger, have we met? Did we talk at the party? I was the tall red-headed guy wearing the beige button-up shirt and blue jeans. No glasses, overweight, but with great legs.

[bungle-lord.livejournal.com]

Stranger? Stranger than who?
And if you hear the voices, you're not single!

[catalytic.livejournal.com]

quixote317, meet iyelli.
iyelli, meet quixote317.

There, my hostly duties are done. ;-)

quixote317, quixote317 was the dark haired lass wearing the blue/green/turquois patterned top and (I think) black jeans. She sat in the living room most of the time.

If I come across a picture I'll be sure to link to it. :-)

[(Anonymous)]

hi, i'm danielle. we spoke, i think. the girl with the teal/blue/green/ tank top (which exposed much boobage) and the blue sweater over it.

[iyelli.livejournal.com]

dammit, forgot to log in. the anonymous comment was me.

[catalytic.livejournal.com]

Yep, finally found one from Alec's collection of pictures:
Catalytic and Iyelli suddenly burst into spontaneous song.

[iyelli.livejournal.com]

you are far more photogenic than i, joel-y bear

[jamesq]

Aha! Now I have a face to the name. We were in the same group discussion in the kitchen, though I don't think we actually spoke to each other. I'll have to remedy that at some point.

[iyelli.livejournal.com]

indeed

Overindulging

[nosarious.livejournal.com]

Recently, while playing Knights of the Old Republic I opted for the cheap and easy meals, and I realize now that it was a mistake. I was doing nothing physically, and I was eating junk food. Two things which resulted in a sad-sack potbellie which I can feel whenever I cup my hands around my belly button, but no one else can see.

It's damned annoying. I am trying to avoid my favorite foor (Old Ducth Tostidos) and am trying to cook better every day. I still don't seem to be eating well enough, but that will improve soon as well.

My depression isn't the lack of friends, although I rarely have anyone over. It's a constant state of living on the edge financially. Accepting the fact I only have myself to blame for that, and that every month I have no money means I made all my payments still doesn't change the fact I mope around the house with no goals or ambition. This is especially bad since I have such weird work schedules.

My advice? Accept the things you have control over. You can't change the fact you had a munchie breakdown, but you at least have the opportunity to recognize it as it happens again. Have a Red Bull or Rockstar or just a plain old glass of water. Try the water hot. It'll take longer to drnk and fill you up more. Or make a real Green Tea.