The Final Family Sunday
Jul. 26th, 2006 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqSunday was the last part of my parent's funeral - the scattering of the ashes. My sister was late as usual, by a little more then an hour.
Lateness of this sort is a big problem for her. I suspect it's just that she simply doesn't respect me or my brother and never has. I frankly can't remember a single time in my entire life when she was on time for either of us. As opposed to being on time for things that merely included us.
She's not the only person I know like this. Eeyore, and old ex-friend of mine was like this to me and is still like it to other people he knows. It's not why we're no longer friends, but it's a symptom of that lack of respect thing. The lack of respect was displayed in other ways, and that's why we're no longer friends.
I've more-or-less accepted this. I try not to be in a situation where I need to depend on my sister. I make her understand that if I have an appointment to keep after she's supposed to meet me that I'll be going to that appointment. If it means abandoning her, so be it.
The ash-scattering was late on a sort of cosmic level too - my Father died in 2004, but we only got around to the scattering this weekend. Mostly this was my sister, but my brother had a hand in it to. Several attempts were made and I was pretty much ready to take part at the drop of a hat. I even had a standing agreement with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
garething and hadriel (back when they had vehicles) to get a ride out to Kananaskis for when it happened.
Last year it almost happened, but the torrential floods that clobbered southern Alberta took their toll. Good thing too as they planned it for exactly the wrong weekend without consulting me. It was cancelled due to rain.
Letting my sister and brother plan things out led to a two year wait. So this summer I took the initiative. It would happen this summer come hell or high water I said, so tell me what weekends work for you. Having gotten some good candidates we settled on this last Sunday. I'd have liked to have stuck around for more of Hidden Treasures, but frankly this was more important.
I convincedgarething and stephtopia to tag along, not for the scattering but to keep me company. Afterwards, I said, we should go to Banff for a much needed soak in the hot springs. They readily agreed. I left with ample time on Sunday morning to allow for traffic/construction/etc and we got out to Mount Kidd with time to spare. Not that I needed to given my sister's normal behavior.
My brother showed up on time as did his wife. None of his tribe of kids showed up though. When I asked why i was told that my sister had decreed that the kids should not come along. "WTF?" said I.
It started to rain and I opted to head back towards the main park building, getting there just prior to the rain turning into a biblical deluge with bonus added hail! it was impressive, made more so by the fact that we (G & S and I) were undercover for all of it. It lasted about twenty minutes.
When the rain let up, I headed back to the parking area to see if my sister had arrived. I walked up to her car and she rolled down the window to say hi. Before she could though a huge bolt of lightning and thunder echoed across the valley. "Hear that", I said, "That's God saying that you're late."
Well we were all together now, so we scouted out the area for a good spot to scatter the ashes. We opted for the banks of the nearby river. All this time, my brother is nervous about the upcoming scattering.
Well we went our separate ways after that. Who knows when all three of us will be together again, given how well my sister and sister-in-law get along, I expect it will be at the next funeral for one of my aunts or uncles. We certainly don't have to be together for anything else ever again.
Given that I've never been close to either of my siblings that pretty much makes me alone. Oh well, I've had two years to get used to that.
Lateness of this sort is a big problem for her. I suspect it's just that she simply doesn't respect me or my brother and never has. I frankly can't remember a single time in my entire life when she was on time for either of us. As opposed to being on time for things that merely included us.
She's not the only person I know like this. Eeyore, and old ex-friend of mine was like this to me and is still like it to other people he knows. It's not why we're no longer friends, but it's a symptom of that lack of respect thing. The lack of respect was displayed in other ways, and that's why we're no longer friends.
I've more-or-less accepted this. I try not to be in a situation where I need to depend on my sister. I make her understand that if I have an appointment to keep after she's supposed to meet me that I'll be going to that appointment. If it means abandoning her, so be it.
The ash-scattering was late on a sort of cosmic level too - my Father died in 2004, but we only got around to the scattering this weekend. Mostly this was my sister, but my brother had a hand in it to. Several attempts were made and I was pretty much ready to take part at the drop of a hat. I even had a standing agreement with
garething and hadriel (back when they had vehicles) to get a ride out to Kananaskis for when it happened.Last year it almost happened, but the torrential floods that clobbered southern Alberta took their toll. Good thing too as they planned it for exactly the wrong weekend without consulting me. It was cancelled due to rain.
Letting my sister and brother plan things out led to a two year wait. So this summer I took the initiative. It would happen this summer come hell or high water I said, so tell me what weekends work for you. Having gotten some good candidates we settled on this last Sunday. I'd have liked to have stuck around for more of Hidden Treasures, but frankly this was more important.
I convinced
garething and stephtopia to tag along, not for the scattering but to keep me company. Afterwards, I said, we should go to Banff for a much needed soak in the hot springs. They readily agreed. I left with ample time on Sunday morning to allow for traffic/construction/etc and we got out to Mount Kidd with time to spare. Not that I needed to given my sister's normal behavior.My brother showed up on time as did his wife. None of his tribe of kids showed up though. When I asked why i was told that my sister had decreed that the kids should not come along. "WTF?" said I.
It started to rain and I opted to head back towards the main park building, getting there just prior to the rain turning into a biblical deluge with bonus added hail! it was impressive, made more so by the fact that we (G & S and I) were undercover for all of it. It lasted about twenty minutes.
When the rain let up, I headed back to the parking area to see if my sister had arrived. I walked up to her car and she rolled down the window to say hi. Before she could though a huge bolt of lightning and thunder echoed across the valley. "Hear that", I said, "That's God saying that you're late."
Well we were all together now, so we scouted out the area for a good spot to scatter the ashes. We opted for the banks of the nearby river. All this time, my brother is nervous about the upcoming scattering.
"This is illegal you know, so don't let on what we're doing"At this point my annoyance with my sister vanished. We had a permit, she had planned it all out in advance. Damn!
"It's not illegal", said my sister, "We have a permit."
"We do?" I asked, "I didn't even know you could get a permit for this."
"Sure you can, I did it when we had mom and dad cremated. The funeral home made all the arrangements"
Well we went our separate ways after that. Who knows when all three of us will be together again, given how well my sister and sister-in-law get along, I expect it will be at the next funeral for one of my aunts or uncles. We certainly don't have to be together for anything else ever again.
Given that I've never been close to either of my siblings that pretty much makes me alone. Oh well, I've had two years to get used to that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-27 05:33 pm (UTC)The one which some humans of the female persuasion worry about periodically.
BTW: If you are really feeling lonely I can see if any of the Bungle Spirits want to go visiting. . . .
Also, I am happy for you that the ceremony has finally occurred and commiserate with you for the fact that the cause of the ceremony had occurred at all.
Family
Date: 2006-07-28 01:06 pm (UTC)Re: Family
Date: 2006-07-28 02:30 pm (UTC)