Can An Ass Kiss?
Dec. 18th, 2005 03:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqYesterday was the annual Christmas party for my work. about 80 of us turned out, which astonishes me.
It was at the Executive Resort in Kananaskis Village. Having the car for exactly this sort of thing, I opted to go. In eight years at my current employer, I've only been to two of the Christmas parties - usually there's a friends party that I'd rather go to. Seeing as how they put us up at the resort for the night, I figured I'd go.
On the way there I managed to miss my turn off (From highway 40 to KV) and damn near killed myself and the some of the local fauna. I was looking for a place to turn around when it happened. "Hmm", I thought, "I can't seem to see the road ahead, what's up with that... OH SHIT THERE'S A HERD OF ELK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD". I slammed on the brakes and came to rest mere feet from them. Had I been speeding or if I hadn't been deliberately looking for a place to turn around, I'd have likely ran right into several of the fuckers. As it was I managed to miss them all.
I could see at least twenty of them and there were probably a lot more hidden amongst the trees.
It did give me an excuse to turn around though.
On the way back to my turn off, I "flash high-beamed" a guy to warn him about the elk herd he was about to encounter. He flashed me back, demonstrating that his high beams weren't on. Which leads me to ask, what is the correct way to notify an oncoming driver of trouble? A coworker said I should use my four-ways instead of my high-beams. Is there any consensus on this? A high-beam flash seem to be the universal "turn off your brights jackass" message.
Checked into the hotel, got changed, went to the reception and discovered two things:
1) I'd forgotten my dress shoes at home and all I had was my ratty day-hikers. Crap.
2) I was vastly underdressed compared to everyone else who was in full suits or evening gowns. Gah! We write software - how can I be the worst dressed in a group that's 1/2 engineers! I bet it has something to do with them all being married.
I normally hate small talk at venues like this (I'm no good at it), but today I could simply tell everyone my elk story! I'm happy to report that I did just that.
Dinner was assigned seating. I had originally (two months ago when this was announced) intended to take![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hislittlekitty to this thing. As she works in retail though, her schedule is often up in the air. Plus, trying to reschedule during the Christmas rush is unlikely at best. What this all boils down to is that she couldn't make it and I went alone. However, and despite the fact that I told the organizer a week ago that she wouldn't be coming, she still had a seat assigned to her. Even stranger, that seat was not next to mine, but was actually three over. Nobody else had their guest split off from them.
There was a DJ for the after dinner dance. He was hungry so we gave K's seat to him. This led to numerous jokes about the DJ being my "date".
The food was both tasty and low points (even dessert). This is good because I went to Marble Slab in the afternoon.
After dinner came the DJ games. First up was twelve people trying to sing an improvised version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" using work-specific gifts ("Twelve consultants consulting", etc.). Patches O'Houlihan described it best.
Next up was a round of Name That Tune. My table did very well because of myself and another table mate who also knew his music. By the end of the game we had 18 points and the nearest competitor had 15 (with half the tables having less then 8). The the DJ decided that the very last song would be worth 100 points. fucker. We still won though as I was the only person in the room who recognized "Living on Video" by Trans-X.
BOO-YA!
Our prize, or rather, punishment, was to dance to that song by ourselves as a way to get the evening of dancing started. So, despite my no-dancing policy I had to go up and do it in front of all my coworkers. I move like a white band on Soul Train.
As an aside, I've learned something about being contrary. I used to be one of those "don't take my pictures" people. I've discovered that this get more pictures taken of you, more comments are made about those pictures, and lots of arguments or needless explanations need to be given. It would be nice if people simply took "don't take my picture" at face value without making the person feel they need to explain themselves. I, in fact, honour those requests when they are made to me.
However, being "right" in this regard is most often too much trouble. It's the same with dancing. I could have refused to dance - then I would have looked like a jerk who couldn't take a joke. I'd have sat there, alone, at my table as the everyone else took the bullet for me on the dance floor. Hmm. "Humorless prick" or "awkward dancer" - I'll take Awkward Dancer for $200, Alex. I'll take some ribbing about it on Monday, and then It'll be over. "Humourless prick" lasts forever though.
While the rest of the company danced the night away, I stole off to the hot tub and had a good long solitary soak. It was nice. Nicer than dancing at any rate, which I find an alien concept. People dance? In groups? For fun? Having never ever liked dancing - it is, in fact, one of those things that have provoked anxiety attacks in the past (literally: I once danced at a SF con then went to my hotel room and curled up into a little ball in the corner for about thirty minutes). To me, it's like hearing that there are people who enjoy soaking there pubes in gasoline then playing with matches naked. "Allah loves wondrous varieties" I guess.
This morning there was a brunch buffet, also paid for by work. It was nice and I didn't even have one of each kind of dessert, seeing as how I still have twenty-ish pounds to go.
Finally, it came time to go home. I went outside and immediately learned a valuable lesson: Don't leave a full can of coke in the car overnight when the temperature drops to -25. I got to car and it looked like someone had puked all over the inside of it. Thankfully, it was frozen solid, so I managed to scrape/brush it away, instead of having to mop it up.
It was at the Executive Resort in Kananaskis Village. Having the car for exactly this sort of thing, I opted to go. In eight years at my current employer, I've only been to two of the Christmas parties - usually there's a friends party that I'd rather go to. Seeing as how they put us up at the resort for the night, I figured I'd go.
On the way there I managed to miss my turn off (From highway 40 to KV) and damn near killed myself and the some of the local fauna. I was looking for a place to turn around when it happened. "Hmm", I thought, "I can't seem to see the road ahead, what's up with that... OH SHIT THERE'S A HERD OF ELK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD". I slammed on the brakes and came to rest mere feet from them. Had I been speeding or if I hadn't been deliberately looking for a place to turn around, I'd have likely ran right into several of the fuckers. As it was I managed to miss them all.
I could see at least twenty of them and there were probably a lot more hidden amongst the trees.
It did give me an excuse to turn around though.
On the way back to my turn off, I "flash high-beamed" a guy to warn him about the elk herd he was about to encounter. He flashed me back, demonstrating that his high beams weren't on. Which leads me to ask, what is the correct way to notify an oncoming driver of trouble? A coworker said I should use my four-ways instead of my high-beams. Is there any consensus on this? A high-beam flash seem to be the universal "turn off your brights jackass" message.
Checked into the hotel, got changed, went to the reception and discovered two things:
1) I'd forgotten my dress shoes at home and all I had was my ratty day-hikers. Crap.
2) I was vastly underdressed compared to everyone else who was in full suits or evening gowns. Gah! We write software - how can I be the worst dressed in a group that's 1/2 engineers! I bet it has something to do with them all being married.
I normally hate small talk at venues like this (I'm no good at it), but today I could simply tell everyone my elk story! I'm happy to report that I did just that.
Dinner was assigned seating. I had originally (two months ago when this was announced) intended to take
hislittlekitty to this thing. As she works in retail though, her schedule is often up in the air. Plus, trying to reschedule during the Christmas rush is unlikely at best. What this all boils down to is that she couldn't make it and I went alone. However, and despite the fact that I told the organizer a week ago that she wouldn't be coming, she still had a seat assigned to her. Even stranger, that seat was not next to mine, but was actually three over. Nobody else had their guest split off from them.There was a DJ for the after dinner dance. He was hungry so we gave K's seat to him. This led to numerous jokes about the DJ being my "date".
The food was both tasty and low points (even dessert). This is good because I went to Marble Slab in the afternoon.
After dinner came the DJ games. First up was twelve people trying to sing an improvised version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" using work-specific gifts ("Twelve consultants consulting", etc.). Patches O'Houlihan described it best.
Next up was a round of Name That Tune. My table did very well because of myself and another table mate who also knew his music. By the end of the game we had 18 points and the nearest competitor had 15 (with half the tables having less then 8). The the DJ decided that the very last song would be worth 100 points. fucker. We still won though as I was the only person in the room who recognized "Living on Video" by Trans-X.
BOO-YA!
Our prize, or rather, punishment, was to dance to that song by ourselves as a way to get the evening of dancing started. So, despite my no-dancing policy I had to go up and do it in front of all my coworkers. I move like a white band on Soul Train.
As an aside, I've learned something about being contrary. I used to be one of those "don't take my pictures" people. I've discovered that this get more pictures taken of you, more comments are made about those pictures, and lots of arguments or needless explanations need to be given. It would be nice if people simply took "don't take my picture" at face value without making the person feel they need to explain themselves. I, in fact, honour those requests when they are made to me.
However, being "right" in this regard is most often too much trouble. It's the same with dancing. I could have refused to dance - then I would have looked like a jerk who couldn't take a joke. I'd have sat there, alone, at my table as the everyone else took the bullet for me on the dance floor. Hmm. "Humorless prick" or "awkward dancer" - I'll take Awkward Dancer for $200, Alex. I'll take some ribbing about it on Monday, and then It'll be over. "Humourless prick" lasts forever though.
While the rest of the company danced the night away, I stole off to the hot tub and had a good long solitary soak. It was nice. Nicer than dancing at any rate, which I find an alien concept. People dance? In groups? For fun? Having never ever liked dancing - it is, in fact, one of those things that have provoked anxiety attacks in the past (literally: I once danced at a SF con then went to my hotel room and curled up into a little ball in the corner for about thirty minutes). To me, it's like hearing that there are people who enjoy soaking there pubes in gasoline then playing with matches naked. "Allah loves wondrous varieties" I guess.
This morning there was a brunch buffet, also paid for by work. It was nice and I didn't even have one of each kind of dessert, seeing as how I still have twenty-ish pounds to go.
Finally, it came time to go home. I went outside and immediately learned a valuable lesson: Don't leave a full can of coke in the car overnight when the temperature drops to -25. I got to car and it looked like someone had puked all over the inside of it. Thankfully, it was frozen solid, so I managed to scrape/brush it away, instead of having to mop it up.
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Drink drink drink
Date: 2005-12-19 07:29 am (UTC)That's what the open bar is for. Of course, if you are like me, you drink half a beer, sing half a dirty song, get up on the table and dance half a naughty dance, remove half your clothes and make a complete monocle of yourself.
I, personally, am starting to hate Christmas parties. Not because I have to go to any, but because there are so many drunk people at the hotels. Thankfully I have New Years off. And Christmas eve should be pudding with most people just wanting to get to bed after a turkey dinner.
(Oh, and by the way, I usually try to honor people's "Get that camera away from me" requests. It's just not worth it finding an awkward picture in amongst all the smiling people. I guess I am just not rude enough to be a good photographer. Unlike Josuf Karsh who is famous for this shot of Sir Winston Churchill. That took balls.)
Man, your poor car...
Date: 2005-12-20 03:58 pm (UTC)On the highbeams issue, yeah, you pretty much nailed it.. Flashing your brights generally means "dim it, damn-it!!" while turning on your 4-way flashers for 2 blinks then turning them off for a moment and then repeating is considered a warning. There are some who believe that rather than flashing your brights, you should turn off your lights for a moment, then turn them back on, however in my experiences, most of the idiots on the road take that to mead "dim it, damn-it!!" as well..
At any rate, glad to hear you pulled through the party. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Grand New Year!
Partying elk
Date: 2005-12-21 12:08 am (UTC)Glad to hear all went well. As far as the how to warn oncoming traffic about a danger up a head what I was taught was to either flash your hi/low beams repeatedly, or turn on/off your headlights repeatedly. The problem with 4-ways is that you can't really see them past a persons headlights when they are coming towards you. They work really well for those following tho!
Troy