Taking Pride
Jun. 10th, 2018 07:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqIf you're reading this, I'd really appreciate it if you read it to the end, and didn't comment on it until you've given what I write some thought. Really go over what I'm saying and try to understand why, rather than just having a knee-jerk negative reaction to it. You don't have to agree with me, but I like to think that if you're reading my blog, you're someone who won't just poo-poo what I write.
One of the things that I've known imperfectly over the years, and have been trying to get better at, is that when people say they've been hurt, you should believe them. If I tell you I got mugged, or my car was stolen, or my house burgled, your default reaction should be that these things have happened. You shouldn't immediately be thinking that I'm making it up, or that I'm exaggerating, or that it doesn't matter, because I've got plenty of money and I won't miss it. Maybe you would be skeptical, if you had good reason to be, but lacking that, you should believe me. Me being robbed is not a far-fetched claim - people get robbed every day.
Similarly, if a woman says she was raped, you should believe her. That shouldn't be a controversial statement, but I often find that it is. Yes, we have courts for determining legal guilt, but only some ridiculously small percentage of rapists are ever convicted. In the face of that, the least I can do is believe the women who tell me this. We know women get raped all the time. The #MeToo movement should have told you all that, but it shouldn't have had to. And I can do more than simply make a mental note of it - I can try to make the world an easier place for them in some microscopic way by, say, not inviting her rapist to a party I know she's going to be at. "Why are you punishing him?" I hear you cry. Well, I'm under no obligation to invite anyone to a party I'm throwing, or have a party at all. There's over seven billion people in the world, and I'm not punishing them by not inviting everyone. So I hope that clears up the idea that me not inviting someone to a party is some kind of punishment. I do know that I'm not contributing to someone's victimization though.
Maybe you see where I'm going with this. The Edmonton Pride parade was disrupted by protesters who didn't want police participation. The demanded that the board listen to the four demands they have, and when the board said they'd do so, they got out of the way.
I think it's worth remembering that the protest was entirely peaceful, and ended when the board agreed to listen. Not to do anything mind you, just that they'd give it a fair hearing. For the board's part, they did this and agreed to the four points after the protest ended. And I'm happy they did - the four points are perfectly reasonable demands.
But I bet a lot of you object to the first point: That the Pride Society uninvite the Edmonton Police Force, RCMP and military from marching in future parades. Give a little thought as to why that is a demand. It's because for a lot of LGBT folk, the police are not their friends. They've been beaten and harassed by the police. Hell, Pride started as a protest against police brutality to the LGBT community. And this isn't ancient history, you could find LGBT folk who will tell you personally about how they've been mistreated by the police recently. And you should believe them. No seriously... take a deep breath, don't immediately jump to defend the police (they can cope, I assure you), and believe them.
Now, if a bunch of people tell you they don't want their abusers present at their party, do you really want to object? Would you do that for a group that's not the police or military? Should neo-nazis be able to crash the local synagogue's picnic? It's in public after all, and we don't want to exclude anyone*. If your objection is but they're the police, then you're missing the point. The police shouldn't be exemplified, they should be questioned more than any other group. Because we've given them a lot of power that the rest of us don't enjoy. They need to constantly earn that power - they need to demonstrate every day, that they've earned our trust. And if one trans kid has gotten harassed by some bully with a badge, then no, the police don't get to participate in the Pride Parade. No, #NotAllCops harassed that kid, but the system made it so that that one cop got away with it. That cop might just be one "bad apple", but the point of the adage about bad apples is that if you let it stick around it will spoil the bunch. If they want to claim they're all individuals, then they can leave their uniforms at home and attend Pride as individuals, if it's so important to them. I bet there's cops who do exactly this now.
They wear their uniforms every day, and they are praised everyday, as demonstrated by the number of people who have lost their shit over this issue. Do they have to be praised in the Pride parade too? Do they have to be everywhere? Is their no space where people can just be without having to genuflect? Isn't it all a little greedy?
Pride has told groups to take a hike before. To participate, you really ought to support LGBT rights. It's why the Conservatives weren't allowed in. Do you really think a political party that is demonstrably against LGBT rights should be allowed to participate. The New Democrats have new Trans-friendly drivers licenses, and the Conservatives voted (in caucus) to effectively neuter Gay-Straight Student Alliances. If Pride wants the NDs there and the UCP to take a hike, I frankly can't blame them. And if they feel the police and the military are only claiming to be pro LGBT-rights, but don't actually deliver in their daily behaviour, then I can't blame them for not wanting them there either.
"But it's such a little thing", I hear some of you say, "Can't they just let the police into the parade, as a sign of goodwill?". Well, yeah, they could. But let me turn that around - if it's such a little thing, why can't the police just let it slide? Why can't the police say "Ok, we respect your wishes and we won't make an issue about it"? Why is it always the victims that have to be infinitely tolerant? I mean, you believe them, don't you?
Maybe there will come a day when the police are welcomed back into the Pride parade. I think they have to be on good behaviour for a long time before they even ask, frankly, but that's me. When Pride feels the cops are their friends, they'll invite them back. I hope that day comes sooner than later.
*Aside 1: Tolerance movements don't have to be tolerant of groups who are intolerant. There's plenty of good philosophical reasons why, and you can go look them up if you care to, but I want you to just accept that as axiomatic for now, because I'm not having a debate about it here and now.
Aside 2: I'm a cis-white-straight-middle aged-male professional. I'm soaking in privilege. If you've listened to this whole piece, and think I have a point that you didn't see before, ask yourself why you believe me and not them. And as a privileged male, yeah sometimes it hurts my feelings when people tell me stuff like this. But I cope because all it does is hurts my feelings. People with less privilege than me are getting more than their feelings hurt.
Aside 3: If I got some pronouns or acronyms wrong, please be forgiving.
One of the things that I've known imperfectly over the years, and have been trying to get better at, is that when people say they've been hurt, you should believe them. If I tell you I got mugged, or my car was stolen, or my house burgled, your default reaction should be that these things have happened. You shouldn't immediately be thinking that I'm making it up, or that I'm exaggerating, or that it doesn't matter, because I've got plenty of money and I won't miss it. Maybe you would be skeptical, if you had good reason to be, but lacking that, you should believe me. Me being robbed is not a far-fetched claim - people get robbed every day.
Similarly, if a woman says she was raped, you should believe her. That shouldn't be a controversial statement, but I often find that it is. Yes, we have courts for determining legal guilt, but only some ridiculously small percentage of rapists are ever convicted. In the face of that, the least I can do is believe the women who tell me this. We know women get raped all the time. The #MeToo movement should have told you all that, but it shouldn't have had to. And I can do more than simply make a mental note of it - I can try to make the world an easier place for them in some microscopic way by, say, not inviting her rapist to a party I know she's going to be at. "Why are you punishing him?" I hear you cry. Well, I'm under no obligation to invite anyone to a party I'm throwing, or have a party at all. There's over seven billion people in the world, and I'm not punishing them by not inviting everyone. So I hope that clears up the idea that me not inviting someone to a party is some kind of punishment. I do know that I'm not contributing to someone's victimization though.
Maybe you see where I'm going with this. The Edmonton Pride parade was disrupted by protesters who didn't want police participation. The demanded that the board listen to the four demands they have, and when the board said they'd do so, they got out of the way.
I think it's worth remembering that the protest was entirely peaceful, and ended when the board agreed to listen. Not to do anything mind you, just that they'd give it a fair hearing. For the board's part, they did this and agreed to the four points after the protest ended. And I'm happy they did - the four points are perfectly reasonable demands.
But I bet a lot of you object to the first point: That the Pride Society uninvite the Edmonton Police Force, RCMP and military from marching in future parades. Give a little thought as to why that is a demand. It's because for a lot of LGBT folk, the police are not their friends. They've been beaten and harassed by the police. Hell, Pride started as a protest against police brutality to the LGBT community. And this isn't ancient history, you could find LGBT folk who will tell you personally about how they've been mistreated by the police recently. And you should believe them. No seriously... take a deep breath, don't immediately jump to defend the police (they can cope, I assure you), and believe them.
Now, if a bunch of people tell you they don't want their abusers present at their party, do you really want to object? Would you do that for a group that's not the police or military? Should neo-nazis be able to crash the local synagogue's picnic? It's in public after all, and we don't want to exclude anyone*. If your objection is but they're the police, then you're missing the point. The police shouldn't be exemplified, they should be questioned more than any other group. Because we've given them a lot of power that the rest of us don't enjoy. They need to constantly earn that power - they need to demonstrate every day, that they've earned our trust. And if one trans kid has gotten harassed by some bully with a badge, then no, the police don't get to participate in the Pride Parade. No, #NotAllCops harassed that kid, but the system made it so that that one cop got away with it. That cop might just be one "bad apple", but the point of the adage about bad apples is that if you let it stick around it will spoil the bunch. If they want to claim they're all individuals, then they can leave their uniforms at home and attend Pride as individuals, if it's so important to them. I bet there's cops who do exactly this now.
They wear their uniforms every day, and they are praised everyday, as demonstrated by the number of people who have lost their shit over this issue. Do they have to be praised in the Pride parade too? Do they have to be everywhere? Is their no space where people can just be without having to genuflect? Isn't it all a little greedy?
Pride has told groups to take a hike before. To participate, you really ought to support LGBT rights. It's why the Conservatives weren't allowed in. Do you really think a political party that is demonstrably against LGBT rights should be allowed to participate. The New Democrats have new Trans-friendly drivers licenses, and the Conservatives voted (in caucus) to effectively neuter Gay-Straight Student Alliances. If Pride wants the NDs there and the UCP to take a hike, I frankly can't blame them. And if they feel the police and the military are only claiming to be pro LGBT-rights, but don't actually deliver in their daily behaviour, then I can't blame them for not wanting them there either.
"But it's such a little thing", I hear some of you say, "Can't they just let the police into the parade, as a sign of goodwill?". Well, yeah, they could. But let me turn that around - if it's such a little thing, why can't the police just let it slide? Why can't the police say "Ok, we respect your wishes and we won't make an issue about it"? Why is it always the victims that have to be infinitely tolerant? I mean, you believe them, don't you?
Maybe there will come a day when the police are welcomed back into the Pride parade. I think they have to be on good behaviour for a long time before they even ask, frankly, but that's me. When Pride feels the cops are their friends, they'll invite them back. I hope that day comes sooner than later.
*Aside 1: Tolerance movements don't have to be tolerant of groups who are intolerant. There's plenty of good philosophical reasons why, and you can go look them up if you care to, but I want you to just accept that as axiomatic for now, because I'm not having a debate about it here and now.
Aside 2: I'm a cis-white-straight-middle aged-male professional. I'm soaking in privilege. If you've listened to this whole piece, and think I have a point that you didn't see before, ask yourself why you believe me and not them. And as a privileged male, yeah sometimes it hurts my feelings when people tell me stuff like this. But I cope because all it does is hurts my feelings. People with less privilege than me are getting more than their feelings hurt.
Aside 3: If I got some pronouns or acronyms wrong, please be forgiving.
