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jamesqI have a neighbour, Barrie, that I haven't seen for awhile. Or rather, I had a neighbour - tl;dr version: he passed away. I didn't know this, I just figured I hadn't seen him recently.
This came to light today because his wife was having a garage sale, and mentioned that his tools were big sellers this morning. She (and her Daughter-in-law) kept referring to him in the past tense, but also in a matter-of-fact way that you do if someone's just not around, as opposed to the tone you use for the recently deceased. It occurred to me that I should ask where he was, but part of me clamped down on that, lest I be bringing up a touchy subject. I just looked and it turns out he not only had died, but he'd died damn near three years ago. How do you not notice something like that? I worry that someone told me in the intervening time, and I didn't commit it to memory.
Anyway, we were only nodding acquaintances. And we were only that because I bought the house off of him (Barrie and Coralie own the other half of the duplex). But it got me thinking about my parents. It's been over ten years (Mom died in 2003, Dad in 2004) and I've long since stopped grieving. While you never have enough time with your loved ones, the simple fact is that they passed because their health was poor, and another ten years of increasingly poor health strikes me a cruel. I'm no longer even that sad about it, just resigned that death comes to us all.
I don't have much family to mourn me when the time comes. My sister has estranged herself, and my brother and I have never been that close. Again, just one of those things - our age difference now is nothing, but growing up it was significant. I'm in better health than either of them, so it's unlikely (barring an untimely death) that they'll be around to mourn me anyway. And I don't have a partner - I've long maintained that sucks, but if there's an upside, it's that I won't hurt them by leaving. No, when I go, it'll likely just be a few close friends who will remember me. Hopefully fondly, but a generation or two and even that will be gone. I'm not saying that's a bad thing - it simply is what it is. The vast bulk of humanity has had the same fate.
But don't mourn me just yet, I don't plan on dying for a good long time. I've got too much to do and see before then.
This came to light today because his wife was having a garage sale, and mentioned that his tools were big sellers this morning. She (and her Daughter-in-law) kept referring to him in the past tense, but also in a matter-of-fact way that you do if someone's just not around, as opposed to the tone you use for the recently deceased. It occurred to me that I should ask where he was, but part of me clamped down on that, lest I be bringing up a touchy subject. I just looked and it turns out he not only had died, but he'd died damn near three years ago. How do you not notice something like that? I worry that someone told me in the intervening time, and I didn't commit it to memory.
Anyway, we were only nodding acquaintances. And we were only that because I bought the house off of him (Barrie and Coralie own the other half of the duplex). But it got me thinking about my parents. It's been over ten years (Mom died in 2003, Dad in 2004) and I've long since stopped grieving. While you never have enough time with your loved ones, the simple fact is that they passed because their health was poor, and another ten years of increasingly poor health strikes me a cruel. I'm no longer even that sad about it, just resigned that death comes to us all.
I don't have much family to mourn me when the time comes. My sister has estranged herself, and my brother and I have never been that close. Again, just one of those things - our age difference now is nothing, but growing up it was significant. I'm in better health than either of them, so it's unlikely (barring an untimely death) that they'll be around to mourn me anyway. And I don't have a partner - I've long maintained that sucks, but if there's an upside, it's that I won't hurt them by leaving. No, when I go, it'll likely just be a few close friends who will remember me. Hopefully fondly, but a generation or two and even that will be gone. I'm not saying that's a bad thing - it simply is what it is. The vast bulk of humanity has had the same fate.
But don't mourn me just yet, I don't plan on dying for a good long time. I've got too much to do and see before then.
