Weekend Update
Apr. 4th, 2011 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jamesqThe big news is that I've been depressed. I've posted about this already (buried under some f-locks) so I don't need to go into the details. Suffice to say my mental batteries ran dry and the usual issues combined with some triggering events to hammer me down. The batteries are starting to recharge now, so I should be OK for the time being. Still, it sucks having to deal with this over and over.
I bring this up because it colours the rest of the narrative. My weekend was largely spent trying to keep busy so that I wouldn't spiral into my own mind.
Friday was archery and I barely got any shooting done. The social aspect of the Friday archery practice is something I love, but it really does interfere with the practice part. I've said it before: I really need to hit the range twice a week if I want to get back to (and surpass) my pre-shoulder-accident level of skill. The new bow is helping, but really, I need to build up arm and shoulder strength and just get into the zen of repeated practice.
Another way to improve my shooting is to set up a target in the garage. I know exactly where it needs to go, but I'll have to spend a few weeknights cleaning the areas. Cleaning up just one part of my garage is a challenge though, because there's so much I want to do with the area and I never quite get where I want with it. Pull the wool string and suddenly the whole sweater unravels.
Friday I also found out I was being creepy again. I don't want to be creepy, but since I haven't a clue how to go about that, I've elected to just back the hell off and not interact much with the affected parties. Oh well, better to know the truth then to blunder around like a moron.
Saturday morning I decided to tackle some recycling. What I thought would be one bag of clothes for goodwill turned into four bags for goodwill. I had 16 pairs of pants in my closet that I couldn't use because I'm too fat to fit into them. They've been there for a few years waiting for the time when I lost sufficient weight to get into them.
We'll leave aside the debate as to whether I'll ever achieve lower weights again. There's no reason for me to keep these in my closet when:
Now the only electronics that need recycling is the stuff the thrift store won't take - i.e. obsolete parts and anything broken. I didn't feel like driving through a foot of freshly-fallen snow to take that in, so it's waiting patiently in a corner.
After that I took a gamble and went downtown (via the train - I really didn't want to drive much) to try and get a ticket to Kung Fu Panties a new action/comedy play that was playing at Vertigo Theatre. Now this show has been sold out for awhile now; I attempted to get tickets a few weeks ago and was ultimately thwarted by Vertigo's shitty web server - remember folks, if you don't get some sort of confirmation after "purchasing" tickets, follow up with a phone call. In my defense, my trip to Mexico made me forget to do this.
Anyway, sold out. But Calgary got hit by a spring snow storm the night before so I figured they might resell some of the no-shows. Some shows will do this, Vertigo (for this show) does not. They were not in a position to resell me someone else's ticket.
So they gave me a ticket instead!
That was the first good thing to happen to me for awhile. And the play was really funny too. It's over now, but it's popularity here tells me that they'll be doing it again sometime - probably all over the country. Vancouver peeps: keep an eye out.
I got back home and I was dog tired. Hiking in the snow, even the short distance form the train station to my house, takes a lot out of you. I didn't have much time for a nap as a bunch of us were going to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thekillerb69 and naughtynat07's wedding reception.
We (othelianna, nosarious, KS and RP) all got to venue OK as major roads had been plowed. Unfortunately I brought an uninvited guest - my depression. Weddings are somewhat triggering for me, but that wasn't it. It was the dancing. The problem with dancing is that I'm no good at it. My usual metric is this: I can disappoint a potential dance partner by refusing the offer to dance, or I can disappoint them with my complete inability to dance. The former is preferable to the latter in much the same way that pulling off a band-aid quickly is preferable to doing it slowly. Better to get the disappointment out of the way sooner and quickly.
From a personal standpoint I'm still trying to decide if an embarrassing anxiety attack on the dance floor followed by my sprinting exit is preferable to sitting in the corner mentally beating myself up after having to tell a bunch of pretty girls I can't dance with them.
The only real solution I can think of is if they'd just leave me alone until an up-mood coincides with just the right piece of music and I get up to dance without being nagged to do so.
So anyway, I was quite the Eeyore at the party. Not entirely, thank heaven, I was OK when I was actually talking to people. It's just when my brain was idling that things went to shit.
The low-point came when an acquaintance told me to "Stop being a sour-puss". This had the advantage of snapping me out of my depression and replacing it with anger. This person has been irritating me for a long time and her statement finally fitted the last piece in my mind as to why I've never warmed up to her. She's always assumed a level of familiarity with me that was never earned. It was the same problem I had with Fleabite (albeit, he combined it with inept attempts at bullying) and the more irritating types of salespeople.
Don't assume you have anything near the knowledge of my moods or mental problems to give me a flip statement like "Don't be a sourpuss" and not have it taken as a deliberate insult.
The statement was delivered as she was leaving, which is good because I might have confronted her before I'd sorted things out in my mind. Bad enough I was depressed at two good friend's celebration; worse would have been to make a scene. I vanished to another room for 30 minutes and just sat alone letting my mood sort itself out. Afterward I wasn't at my best, but I wasn't an Eeyore anymore either.
On the plus side, I decided not to sell my MacBook to the lady in question (she doesn't need any sweetheart used computer deals from me), which lead to the following exchange:
The evening began to wind down as people left. At last-call, the remaining people were mostly SCAdians, so we began the after-event clean up almost unconsciously. Soon everything was done except for the stacking of the tables and chairs. The Dover Hall might be a good place for a small-ish event like Beltaine or an officer's retreat. I had a good time, when I was engaged with other people.
Despite the near constant intake of alcohol and getting home around 2:30 am (and a promise to get up at the crack of noon) I actually woke up fairly early. I decided that what I really wanted to do Sunday was watch a movie. Rango was playing at The Uptown (my favorite Calgary theater) so I wandered down for the matinee. Rango was a surrealistic experience - a classic western as viewed through the prism of psychoactive drugs. I highly recommend it because it's a movie that knows its western cliches and movie history. Plus you have not lived until you see a group of spectacularly ugly cartoon moles pilot a squadron of bats while "Ride of the Valkries" plays in the background.
Adding to the surrealism of the experience, I was the only person in the theatre. It's weird having the staff outnumber you. Weirder still is hearing the projectionist going through his rounds for you and you alone. I wonder if they do it if there's no one in the theatre at all? I assume not, but what do I know?
I went home and settled in on the couch to read only to have my sleep-deficit catch up with me. I ended up falling asleep for several hours. Sunday was a lazy day, but it was just what I needed. Plus, the depression that has gripped me for the last week seems to have finally abated - certainly it didn't bother me Sunday.
I bring this up because it colours the rest of the narrative. My weekend was largely spent trying to keep busy so that I wouldn't spiral into my own mind.
Friday was archery and I barely got any shooting done. The social aspect of the Friday archery practice is something I love, but it really does interfere with the practice part. I've said it before: I really need to hit the range twice a week if I want to get back to (and surpass) my pre-shoulder-accident level of skill. The new bow is helping, but really, I need to build up arm and shoulder strength and just get into the zen of repeated practice.
Another way to improve my shooting is to set up a target in the garage. I know exactly where it needs to go, but I'll have to spend a few weeknights cleaning the areas. Cleaning up just one part of my garage is a challenge though, because there's so much I want to do with the area and I never quite get where I want with it. Pull the wool string and suddenly the whole sweater unravels.
Friday I also found out I was being creepy again. I don't want to be creepy, but since I haven't a clue how to go about that, I've elected to just back the hell off and not interact much with the affected parties. Oh well, better to know the truth then to blunder around like a moron.
Saturday morning I decided to tackle some recycling. What I thought would be one bag of clothes for goodwill turned into four bags for goodwill. I had 16 pairs of pants in my closet that I couldn't use because I'm too fat to fit into them. They've been there for a few years waiting for the time when I lost sufficient weight to get into them.
We'll leave aside the debate as to whether I'll ever achieve lower weights again. There's no reason for me to keep these in my closet when:
- I can always buy new clothing when the time comes.
- New clothing will probably be in fashion. I'm not the most fashion-conscious fellow to start with, but even the stuff I get at CostCo this year will be better then the stuff I got at CostCo ten years ago.
- Given I'm hard to size in the first place, I'm sure the time these items spend in the thrift store will be short. Better someone uses it then it wastes my valuable closet space.
Now the only electronics that need recycling is the stuff the thrift store won't take - i.e. obsolete parts and anything broken. I didn't feel like driving through a foot of freshly-fallen snow to take that in, so it's waiting patiently in a corner.
After that I took a gamble and went downtown (via the train - I really didn't want to drive much) to try and get a ticket to Kung Fu Panties a new action/comedy play that was playing at Vertigo Theatre. Now this show has been sold out for awhile now; I attempted to get tickets a few weeks ago and was ultimately thwarted by Vertigo's shitty web server - remember folks, if you don't get some sort of confirmation after "purchasing" tickets, follow up with a phone call. In my defense, my trip to Mexico made me forget to do this.
Anyway, sold out. But Calgary got hit by a spring snow storm the night before so I figured they might resell some of the no-shows. Some shows will do this, Vertigo (for this show) does not. They were not in a position to resell me someone else's ticket.
So they gave me a ticket instead!
That was the first good thing to happen to me for awhile. And the play was really funny too. It's over now, but it's popularity here tells me that they'll be doing it again sometime - probably all over the country. Vancouver peeps: keep an eye out.
I got back home and I was dog tired. Hiking in the snow, even the short distance form the train station to my house, takes a lot out of you. I didn't have much time for a nap as a bunch of us were going to
thekillerb69 and naughtynat07's wedding reception.We (
othelianna, nosarious, KS and RP) all got to venue OK as major roads had been plowed. Unfortunately I brought an uninvited guest - my depression. Weddings are somewhat triggering for me, but that wasn't it. It was the dancing. The problem with dancing is that I'm no good at it. My usual metric is this: I can disappoint a potential dance partner by refusing the offer to dance, or I can disappoint them with my complete inability to dance. The former is preferable to the latter in much the same way that pulling off a band-aid quickly is preferable to doing it slowly. Better to get the disappointment out of the way sooner and quickly.From a personal standpoint I'm still trying to decide if an embarrassing anxiety attack on the dance floor followed by my sprinting exit is preferable to sitting in the corner mentally beating myself up after having to tell a bunch of pretty girls I can't dance with them.
The only real solution I can think of is if they'd just leave me alone until an up-mood coincides with just the right piece of music and I get up to dance without being nagged to do so.
So anyway, I was quite the Eeyore at the party. Not entirely, thank heaven, I was OK when I was actually talking to people. It's just when my brain was idling that things went to shit.
The low-point came when an acquaintance told me to "Stop being a sour-puss". This had the advantage of snapping me out of my depression and replacing it with anger. This person has been irritating me for a long time and her statement finally fitted the last piece in my mind as to why I've never warmed up to her. She's always assumed a level of familiarity with me that was never earned. It was the same problem I had with Fleabite (albeit, he combined it with inept attempts at bullying) and the more irritating types of salespeople.
Don't assume you have anything near the knowledge of my moods or mental problems to give me a flip statement like "Don't be a sourpuss" and not have it taken as a deliberate insult.
The statement was delivered as she was leaving, which is good because I might have confronted her before I'd sorted things out in my mind. Bad enough I was depressed at two good friend's celebration; worse would have been to make a scene. I vanished to another room for 30 minutes and just sat alone letting my mood sort itself out. Afterward I wasn't at my best, but I wasn't an Eeyore anymore either.
On the plus side, I decided not to sell my MacBook to the lady in question (she doesn't need any sweetheart used computer deals from me), which lead to the following exchange:
Me: "When's your birthday?"And another piece of electronics I'm no longer using finds a good home!
WJ: "July 22nd. Why?"
Me: "I want to give you a used computer and I need a convenient excuse."
WJ: "Wait, is it an Apple notebook?"
Me: "Yes."
WJ: "My birthday is actually April 22nd."
The evening began to wind down as people left. At last-call, the remaining people were mostly SCAdians, so we began the after-event clean up almost unconsciously. Soon everything was done except for the stacking of the tables and chairs. The Dover Hall might be a good place for a small-ish event like Beltaine or an officer's retreat. I had a good time, when I was engaged with other people.
Despite the near constant intake of alcohol and getting home around 2:30 am (and a promise to get up at the crack of noon) I actually woke up fairly early. I decided that what I really wanted to do Sunday was watch a movie. Rango was playing at The Uptown (my favorite Calgary theater) so I wandered down for the matinee. Rango was a surrealistic experience - a classic western as viewed through the prism of psychoactive drugs. I highly recommend it because it's a movie that knows its western cliches and movie history. Plus you have not lived until you see a group of spectacularly ugly cartoon moles pilot a squadron of bats while "Ride of the Valkries" plays in the background.
Adding to the surrealism of the experience, I was the only person in the theatre. It's weird having the staff outnumber you. Weirder still is hearing the projectionist going through his rounds for you and you alone. I wonder if they do it if there's no one in the theatre at all? I assume not, but what do I know?
I went home and settled in on the couch to read only to have my sleep-deficit catch up with me. I ended up falling asleep for several hours. Sunday was a lazy day, but it was just what I needed. Plus, the depression that has gripped me for the last week seems to have finally abated - certainly it didn't bother me Sunday.
