Your Brain Wants Steak

It's rare that I remember my dreams. When I feel like examining this, I generally concede that my subconscious has way too much shit going on, so it closes it off to my conscious mind to protect me. Of course, that's personifying aspects of my personality, so I suspect that's just a bullshit justification. The reality is probably closer to some folks just don't remember their dreams very often and you happen to be in that group.

One thing I have become more aware of is a reoccurring scenario. I'll wake up in the middle of the night utterly convinced that I've forgotten to do something important. At the time the thing will seem very real and clear as day. If I put off doing it until morning (sometimes the thing will be something that has to wait) I won't remember it when I wake up. If it's something that has to be done right this instant it will vanish when I come fully awake to deal with it. On very rare occasions, I might get out of the room only to be left thinking "Why the hell did you get up and walk out of your bedroom".

In both cases I'm left the next morning with conflicting thoughts - on one hand, the urgency to fix a problem is still there, even if I can't remember what the problem was. On the other hand, my rational mind says "you were just dreaming. Cope."

I could leave a notepad on my bedside table, but I'd be worried that it would be a huge let down. Like I really am forgetting something, but it's something trivial that my subconscious mind has blown out of proportion. I'd wake up to find "don't forget to buy milk" or "eat more fiber" written on the pad.

Earth-Shattering Kaboom

So I had a weird little thought just now. Definitely politically incorrect.

Suppose you're an Islamic terrorist/scientist. You've built an atomic bomb to blow up some infidels. Being time-pressed and not particularly caring about your own personal well-being, you didn't do anything to protect yourself from exposure to toxic and/or radioactive materials. Now you're dying.

Assuming your view of God and the afterlife are correct, do you get to go to martyr's paradise (which resembles a weekend at Hugh Hefner's mansion, only with virgins instead of Playboy bunnies - and personally I'd rather have the non-virgins) even if you didn't push the button yourself?

At what point does this reward kick in? Do you have to die in the act? Does it matter if you die immediately due to something obviously connected like radiation sickness? How about if get leukemia ten years down the road?

Or maybe I'm focusing on the wrong part. Maybe Allah is like MacArthur - the point is not to die for your country but to make the other guys die for there's.

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