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Jolt Quest
Back in the glory days of Grey Mountain Holt, a bunch of us went up to visit our counterparts in Edmonton. This epic adventure came to be known as Jolt Quest.
It began simply enough with a number of us piling our things into Eeyore's car and heading up to Edmonton. Being Grey Mountain Holt, we got off to a late start, made later by us stopping off at a convenience store to by junk food. Jolt Cola had just made it's Canadian debut around this time so it was a big novelty for us. We each had at least two on the three hour ride north.
What does this mean? Well there were four of us in a remarkably dangerous vehicle (a Suzuki Samurai - and let me tell you, there's a reason why you don't see them on the road anymore. It's because every last one of them has since crashed) and we were all on a massive sugar and caffeine high. It was at this point that I nearly killed us all by telling an awful joke to Eeyore (who was driving).
As an aside, the reason I'm telling this tale is because it's a Johnny Carson as Karnak gag. Mr. Carson died last night, which is what (in a roundabout way) reminded me about this tale. The Karnak gags were all about how Karnak could answer a question in a sealed envelope. For example, the answer would be "Mount Baldy" and the question would be "What Mrs Yul Brynner did on her honeymoon".
So Eeyore starts laughing to the point were we are in serious danger of crashing. Luckily (there was a lot of luck on this trip) we didn't die.
Sometime after Edmonton we tried to pass a Greyhound bus that was also heading to Edmonton. Now Samurai's were pretty gutless in exactly the way that tour buses aren't. The Greyhound had pistons that were bigger than the Samurai's engine. So Eeyore floored it because we were stuck behind this bus. We got into the passing lane and the hamsters in the engine ran their little hearts out. We slowly creeped forward. As we got nose-to-nose with the bus, it suddenly roared ahead of us. Hmm. Ok fine, as long as we're not stuck behind it, no problem.
Then it slowed down again.
So Eeyore changed to the passing lane, floored the accelerator, and started moving up on the bus. We got nose to nose with it.
And it roared ahead again. Ok. At this point we had our suspicions that the bus driver was messing with us. Several more attempts confirmed this.
It's amazing how a lack of fear and good judgment can get you into these little situations - there we were, drag racing with a Greyhound bus. And we did it for over a half hour, until the bus and the car had to part ways once we actually reached Edmonton.
Eventually we reached our host's house and we crashed for the night. Or we would have if it weren't for the fact that the Holt Video had come along.
One of the members of GMH had a camcorder and it was used to make really really silly micro movies. The results ranged from truly awful to merely embarrassing. I do make a few cameos in these videos, but really the bulk of the horror was Tony, Mike and Bruce.
When the tape got played, Bruce and I opted to head out to the 7-11 that was a four block walk away (in -20 weather) rather than watch it. Once, we went out, came back, the tape was still playing, so we went back to the 7-11 again. It was that bad.
The next couple of days were a blur of water sliding at West Edmonton Mall, mall food, and 7-11 food, and partying at the host's house. We were also killing ourselves with our (horrific) diets. Then two miracles occurred. First, Eeyore cooked up steaks for all four of us (giving us some much needed protein that was not also deep fried). Second, someone brought two boxes of Mandarin Oranges.
The four of us sat down by the oranges. We each had one. Then we had another. Then we descended on the box like a pack of starving hyenas. Our bodies latching on to the prospect of actual vitamins! The entire rest of the party had the other box.
We also heard the story of the evangelicals in the mall.
One of our host's friends was a security guard at the mall, and he typically changed into his uniform in a locker room that was provided for him. This means that he was often wandering the mall before and after work in normal street clothes.
Often there were street preachers in the mall (it was Edmonton in the winter, you'd go to the mall too because otherwise you'd freeze to death and not have an audience). One day there was one "testifying".
We headed back to Calgary soon after that, a good weekend was had by all. But we all crashed for a 12 hours when we got back.
It began simply enough with a number of us piling our things into Eeyore's car and heading up to Edmonton. Being Grey Mountain Holt, we got off to a late start, made later by us stopping off at a convenience store to by junk food. Jolt Cola had just made it's Canadian debut around this time so it was a big novelty for us. We each had at least two on the three hour ride north.
What does this mean? Well there were four of us in a remarkably dangerous vehicle (a Suzuki Samurai - and let me tell you, there's a reason why you don't see them on the road anymore. It's because every last one of them has since crashed) and we were all on a massive sugar and caffeine high. It was at this point that I nearly killed us all by telling an awful joke to Eeyore (who was driving).
As an aside, the reason I'm telling this tale is because it's a Johnny Carson as Karnak gag. Mr. Carson died last night, which is what (in a roundabout way) reminded me about this tale. The Karnak gags were all about how Karnak could answer a question in a sealed envelope. For example, the answer would be "Mount Baldy" and the question would be "What Mrs Yul Brynner did on her honeymoon".
Karnak (holding envelope to head): Sis, Boom, Bah.Karnak opens the envelope.
Ed McMahon (repeating): Sis Boom Bah.
Karnak (reading the question): What's the sound a sheep makes when it explodes?Terrible joke right? Well we were punchy in the way you get when you're young, flying high on caffeine and sleep deprivation, and stupid.
So Eeyore starts laughing to the point were we are in serious danger of crashing. Luckily (there was a lot of luck on this trip) we didn't die.
Sometime after Edmonton we tried to pass a Greyhound bus that was also heading to Edmonton. Now Samurai's were pretty gutless in exactly the way that tour buses aren't. The Greyhound had pistons that were bigger than the Samurai's engine. So Eeyore floored it because we were stuck behind this bus. We got into the passing lane and the hamsters in the engine ran their little hearts out. We slowly creeped forward. As we got nose-to-nose with the bus, it suddenly roared ahead of us. Hmm. Ok fine, as long as we're not stuck behind it, no problem.
Then it slowed down again.
So Eeyore changed to the passing lane, floored the accelerator, and started moving up on the bus. We got nose to nose with it.
And it roared ahead again. Ok. At this point we had our suspicions that the bus driver was messing with us. Several more attempts confirmed this.
It's amazing how a lack of fear and good judgment can get you into these little situations - there we were, drag racing with a Greyhound bus. And we did it for over a half hour, until the bus and the car had to part ways once we actually reached Edmonton.
Eventually we reached our host's house and we crashed for the night. Or we would have if it weren't for the fact that the Holt Video had come along.
One of the members of GMH had a camcorder and it was used to make really really silly micro movies. The results ranged from truly awful to merely embarrassing. I do make a few cameos in these videos, but really the bulk of the horror was Tony, Mike and Bruce.
When the tape got played, Bruce and I opted to head out to the 7-11 that was a four block walk away (in -20 weather) rather than watch it. Once, we went out, came back, the tape was still playing, so we went back to the 7-11 again. It was that bad.
The next couple of days were a blur of water sliding at West Edmonton Mall, mall food, and 7-11 food, and partying at the host's house. We were also killing ourselves with our (horrific) diets. Then two miracles occurred. First, Eeyore cooked up steaks for all four of us (giving us some much needed protein that was not also deep fried). Second, someone brought two boxes of Mandarin Oranges.
The four of us sat down by the oranges. We each had one. Then we had another. Then we descended on the box like a pack of starving hyenas. Our bodies latching on to the prospect of actual vitamins! The entire rest of the party had the other box.
We also heard the story of the evangelicals in the mall.
One of our host's friends was a security guard at the mall, and he typically changed into his uniform in a locker room that was provided for him. This means that he was often wandering the mall before and after work in normal street clothes.
Often there were street preachers in the mall (it was Edmonton in the winter, you'd go to the mall too because otherwise you'd freeze to death and not have an audience). One day there was one "testifying".
"Is there any among you who have seen the light?" He'd yell.He comes forward and kneels before the preacher.
"I have seen the light" said the off-duty security guard.
"This man has seen the light. Come forward brother."
"This man has seen the glory of The Lord. You too can see the glory of our Lord and Savior. Tell me son, describe the glory of The Lord to us all"Then the old guy chased him halfway out of the mall, while our hero runs and laughs simultaneously.
"She's Black!" he says.
We headed back to Calgary soon after that, a good weekend was had by all. But we all crashed for a 12 hours when we got back.