jamesq: (Default)
Got it from Making Light:
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg says, "It’s very odd and improbable that we three are in this bar together. It suggests to me that we’re in a joke, but I can’t be certain."

Gödel says, "Well, if we were outside the joke we would know, but since we’re inside it, there’s no way we can make that determination."

And Chomsky says, "Of course this is a joke, but you’re telling it wrong!"
I giggled for five minutes. But then, I'm a freak.
jamesq: (Default)
In honor of [livejournal.com profile] zapgun4hire's short respite from the Dundonians - a joke:

An Englishman and a Scotsman are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend right by a bridge. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of sherry. He hands the bottle to the Englishman, whom exclaims, 'May the Scots and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.' The Englishman then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Scotsman, who throws the bottle into the river and replies: 'No thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here."

[And the wonderful thing is it's one of those interchangeable jokes]
jamesq: (Default)
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!" Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla. "Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!" In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!" Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!" At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

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